I was watching my Illini take a 7-point lead into half last night against tOSU Buckeyes at my local watering hole when I was confronted with an image of sheer beauty. It was a Red Lobster commercial in HD from across the bar. A few beers deep on an empty stomach, I sat in awe as twin lobster tails took a slow-mo free fall into frame, splashing into an unreasonably large cup of what I presumed to be melted butter. As the tails settled, hands emerged with fresh lemon slices, joyously squirting and squeezing the citric delicacy across the oversized shellfish. We then panned to what appeared to be a generous serving of shrimp scampi with shaved parmesan and notes of garlic. On it went, one delicious looking menu item after the other. For the first time in my life, I craved Red Lobster.
Granted, I had Denny's this past weekend and I think the All American Grand Slam very well could still be in my system clouding my judgement. But I also know by now to trust my instinct. And my instincts say that if Red Lobster is half as good as that commercial, I'm looking at a fine dining experience in the immediately near future.
As RL Virgin, I needed answers, so I asked twitter and the results were astounding. So close that I might have to run the poll back or do a manual recount or something to verify accuracy. God forbid I get this take wrong and end up with some bad crab cakes. Just typing that made me nauseous.
So what's the verdict? Can I fuck some Red Lobster on a Friday in Lent? Or should I stick to grilled cheese and frozen pie?