With us now at T-minus 13 days before the start of Tom Brady's free agency, today has been a relatively slow day for #Braxit news. Usually by the afternoon on any given day is this soul-crushing, interminable, torturous process, we'll get something. A media know-it-all insisting there's no way he stays in New England. Another contradicting that one. "Sources" saying there was contact between him and the Patriots. A rumor that Belichick only pocket dialed him. A report citing "someone close to the Brady camp" that he's not happy. Some team being considered the front runner to get him. A dark horse team we hadn't considered being in the mix. Eight teams interested. Ten teams. Brady's side being surprised by the level of interest. A report saying the interest level is exaggerated. Brady posting a picture of some mountains, thereby signalling it's Denver. Whatever.
It's my hell. One day I'm going to realize that there were bits of pangolin in that Moo Shi Pork I had last week, I contracted coronavirus and died in my sleep. And because of my sinful ways I am doomed to speculate about Brady's free agency for the rest of eternity while a demon who looks like Tom Coughlin torments me.
The last decent rumor with any entertainment level to it was the one about Brady signing with the 49ers, who would then ship Jimmy Garoppolo back as a thank you for sending him to San Fran in the first place in exchange for a second round pick.
That one was at least fun. With just enough plausibility to it to make a quality conspiracy theory anyway. And it's been bouncing around the internet echo chamber for the last couple of days. The only update on that though has been one reporter after another reporting that you shouldn't dismiss the original report. So it's basically a small talk conversation at a party where you really don't know anyone that ends up going nowhere and gets awkward so you make an excuse to go freshen your drink to get out of it.
The only new wrinkle is the fact a Niners reporter did a Twitter poll and proved, with all the scientific accuracy of a Twitter poll, that among a self-selecting group of 49ers fans, Brady draws Tulsi Gabbard numbers.
By the end of the vote, just over 17,500 people responded and it was Jimmy G getting all the delegates, 81% to 19%. Though to be fair, Brady didn't campaign in northern California. Still, it's a little surprising. I have a regional bias obviously. But I just assumed the Bay Area voting bloc would be more receptive to the idea of their native son coming back to his ancestral homeland and actually throw passes in the postseason. But I don't claim to understand that electorate. And if John Lynch really is thinking about making that switch, it sounds like he'll have a hard time selling it to his constituencies.
The only other thing I have comes from the Twitter account that has provided the world with uncountable hours of top notch Mike Francesa material. And who today turned its lonely eyes to noted Tom Brady expert Colin Cowherd, who knows what makes the most sense for the GOAT. And what makes the most sense is just about every place.
Thirteen days. One. Three. Make it stop. Or kill me and put me out of my misery. Unless the rumors and made up speculation kill me first.