The Barstool Fund - In Support Of The 30 Day FundLearn More

You've Gotta Be Out Of Your Goddamn Mind To Ever Ask Torts For A Selfie

There are 3 things in this world that John Tortorella hates more than Marilyn Manson hated not being able to suck his own dick. The first of those things are the referees in the NHL. The other two are being social, and the media. So for someone to have the audacity to put those two things together and ask him to take a selfie for social media?

Out of all the horribly idiotic ideas that human beings have ever come up with, this one is right up there in the 1%. And keep in mind that someone once had the idea to make green ketchup, and that doesn't even come close to how awful this idea was. 

And really what it comes down to is that I think this poor young lady just has shit people in her life. I have to imagine she probably doesn't know a ton about John Tortorella if she was asking for a selfie with him. But for nobody else around her to tell her that it's an awful idea and try to put an end to it? For nobody to step up and save her from making one of the biggest mistakes one could ever make? She just needs to cut those people out of her life and find some new friends. Clearly the ones she has already haven't a single care about her well-being. 

Sidenote: Buddy over here reminded me that popcorn is the absolute worst sporting event snack in the game. 

The thing that sucks about popcorn isn't just the fact that it gets stuck in your teeth for the next 72-96 hours. But that there's always an obligation to share when you have a bag of popcorn on hand. Now most people--like the lady in the blue top--want nothing to do with the popcorn because it's a shitty snack to begin with. But still, the obligation is there to at least offer to share your popcorn. "Do you want popcorn?" "Anybody want any of this popcorn before I put it down?" "Popcorn, anyone?". There's just way too much responsibility that comes with being the jackass who purchases the bag of popcorn and I don't understand why people still willingly do it. 

By the way--tough to see the Blue Jackets lose another last night. 2-4-4 in their last 10. Really charging into the playoffs there, boys. 

@BarstoolJordie