550 Pound Guy Sentenced To House Arrest Wants His Sentence Reduced Because He Can't Leave The House Anyway......What?

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Orlando Sentinel- 551-pound former pharmacist, confined to 30 months of house arrest for his role in a massive South Florida pill mill ring, now wants his sentence reduced. His argument: He’s too heavy to leave home anyway, so house arrest is unnecessary. The federal judge who sentenced him, however, U.S. District Judge Kenneth Marra of West Palm Beach, was unmoved by that logic. In a crisp order, Marra on Monday denied the request. “Defendant was spared a prison sentence, not as a favor to him, but in order to spare the Bureau of Prisons the burden of having to care for him,” the judge wrote. Steven Goodman, 70, received the sentence in August 2012 for supplying more than 1 million oxycodone and other prescription pills to “pain management” clinics run by Wellington twins Christopher and Jeffrey George. The brothers are serving 14 and 15-and-a-half years respectively for disbursing illegal pills at clinics in Fort Lauderdale, West Palm Beach, Boca Raton and Wilton Manors.

Full disclosure: I read that story no less than 10 times and I’m still not sure what’s going on.  This fat fucker wants his 30 month house arrest sentence reduced using the logic that he can’t leave the house anyway, ya know because he’s huge, so why even call it house arrest?  Did I get that right?  That makes zero sense.  If you can’t leave the house anyway wouldn’t you not care about the house arrest as opposed to the other way around?  That seems logical.  And hey, house arrest sounds like the shit.  You’re literally not allowed to leave your house.  Fatty isn’t appreciating how great that is.  There’s nothing outside that’s worth seeing.  Trust me.  It’s nothing but awkward encounters and people who suck.  You’re probably saying, “But Trent.  You’re a blogger and you’re fat and you never have to leave the house either.”  While 2/3 of those thing is true the leaving the house part isn’t.  Sure I don’t have to leave the house for work but I still have to leave to go grocery shopping and other stuff I don’t want to do.  And I still have to go to social gatherings I don’t want to attend.  “Sorry, I’m on house arrest” is the best excuse to get out of a lame party or birthday celebration of somebody you don’t actually like.  This guy shouldn’t be trying to get less house arrest, he should be trying to get more.  Be a lazy fat fuck the right way for me one time please.