Dance, Dong, Ditch: Lawyer Leads Police On Wild Chase After Running Out On Strip Club Tab

From the NYPost:

Dylan T. Vinzant, 38, stormed out of the Sunset Strip Gentlemen’s Club in Portland late Friday after refusing to pay in excess of $200 for a private, 15-minute lap dance from a stripper at the jiggle joint, according to the Washington County Sheriff’s Office.

“He went in there and agreed to pay over $200 for a 15-minute dance,” Sgt. Danny DiPietro told The Post early Tuesday. “At the end of the dance, he decided he wasn’t going to pay. He told the dancer, ‘I’m not going to pay you’ and took off.”

Well, we've all been there.

You're having a great time at the strip club when all of a sudden your old lady calls. (THE WORST!) You politely say to the dancer, "Excuse me, madam. So sorry but I need to take this. I will be back momentarily to pay your $200 fee as the dance was delightful." Little do you realize, with all the noise she misheard it as, "I'm not going to pay you". Classic. 

Ignorant of the miscommunication, you walk outside so the 'ol ball & chain can't hear the thumping music when you hear a buzzing sound... 

Yep - You guessed it. NIGHT BEES! 

That's right, a swarm of Washington State Night Bees are on the move after a patron bumped their car into a dumpster out back. RUN! 

You hang up and start sprinting towards the MAX tracks thinking you'll lose the bees by the tunnel (night bees hate tunnels), pesky blackberry bushes tearing at your crisply pleated Dockers, and deep down you're dying because all you want to do is get back to the club and pay for your dance. You were totally even going to pay extra before this all started. Blah!

And oh, great...  now what?! Here come the cops to save you - but wait... are they... mad at you? 

Lights are flashing, the buzzing is getting louder, the tracks are vibrating like a train is coming, and all you can think about is the dancer back at the club wondering where you are.... You're letting her down and you're not that kind of man. Thankfully you're a lawyer so you'll be able to explain all of this & get back to the club to pay up in no time. Right? Officer??