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Does This Look Like the Face of a Congressional Candidate Who Went to Jail for Hotwiring Cars and Beating Off to the Engine Noise?


SAGINAW, MIJordan D. Haskins cannot own a firearm. For the majority of his adult life, he could neither vote nor serve on a jury. But a checkered past that includes stints in prison systems in two states and his current status as a parolee does not preclude the 24-year-old Saginaw man from running for office… Haskins’ criminal charges stem from trespassing on private and public property in four cases from April 2010 to January 2011, when he was sent to prison. As part of the break-ins, he started vehicles to facilitate an uncommon sexual fetish Haskins called “cranking” in interviews with police… Come November, Haskins will appear as the Republican candidate on the ballot seeking election to Michigan’s 95th District House seat…

Haskins said he was drawn to criminal behavior for the “the thrill. I was bored,” he said. “It was the rush.” …He said he pulled spark plug wires on sheriff, mosquito control and other vehicles parked there. “Jordan would remove the spark plug wires and sit in the car and masturbate while the motor was sparking and making noises,” the police report states. Haskins was charged with additional misdemeanor offenses related to a third incident at the mosquito control property in October 2010. According to that incident report, Haskins again said that he damaged county vehicles by pulling spark plug wires to “masturbate while cranking the engine.” Deputies said he told them the act is a sexual fetish he learned about online.

You can’t judge Jordan Haskins for a few indiscretions when he was younger.  Hell, this could’ve happened to anyone.  Let ye who has not broken into a car to jerk off cast the first stone and all that.  I hate to blame the victims here, but if those cars didn’t want to be Cranked, their engines wouldn’t sound so damned sexy while they sparked.  I mean, have you heard the noise a mosquito control truck makes when the spark plug wires are removed?  It’s practically begging a guy to climb inside, whip it out and start hitchhiking to the moon.  I would take a will of iron to keep it in your pants once that engine turns over and starts purring.  I’m getting a chub just thinking of it, and I’m not a bored 20 year old in need of a thrill like he was at the time.  So you can think he’s a creep and a weirdo all you want.  But with all the crises this country is facing at home and abroad, God knows we can’t do any worse.  So do the right thing, people of the 95th District. You want Jordan Haskins on that wall.  You NEED him on that wall.  Send the Cranker to Congress.  @JerryThornton1