A lot of you have been thinking about getting your own ball for a while. Don't deny it. I hear it all the time across league play and various online chat rooms. People are dying to get their own custom bowling ball but just don't have the courage. They lack the information and the quote unquote Know How.
If you're one of these people... one of the 46 million Americans that will pick up a bowling ball in the next 12 months... then this blog's for you.
And before you ask, I picked 15 reasons out of respect for Amish bowlers. Everyone knows they give a solid 150%.
Without further adieu:
1. You Mean Business: Leading off is the 1st ballot hall of fame reason to invest in anything. You Mean Business. We've officially crossed the golden threshold of recreational activity and entered an area of your brain exclusively reserved for hobbies. It's a special place currently occupied by golf clubs and fishing rods and alcohol and yo-yos. Most of us passed through the yo-yo phase but you hung on deep into your late teen years. It was questionable then and questionable now but I won't criticize how a man keeps his mental garage. Just so long as you clear some space for a bowling ball and that's exactly where I want to start: you are ready to make a commitment. Not just to yourself, but likely to a group of 3 peers.
You're a bowler.
Welcome to club. First order of Business is getting your own ball. May I interest you in a 15-pounder? It's more of a recreational weight whereas the pros reach for 16. But beware, that's much harder to control with the inconsistencies in your delivery. Let's be sure to keep it under 15.
And while we're here, you might be looking for some shoes. Keep looking. Purchases over $200 include free rosin + wrist guard.
If any of that resonates with you, it's time to get your own ball.
2. House Balls Suck: Not here to shame house balls but at the same time if you're consistently looking for the same house ball every week, it's time to get your own. No one got to the PBA tour on the back of a ball rack that looks like a package of tropical Starburst.
And while on topic, these things SUCK
And furthermore - I actually like a classic yellow starburst. It pairs perfectly with red. I know that puts me in a minority but I actually like that because I know how much you hate yellow. Go on and hate it fuckboy. I'm here for the fight.
Elsewhere, house balls suck. They're uneven and hollowed out creating weak and inconsistent action. You can't get a tight curve. Sometimes you come home with a head cold because Johnny Snot Rocket lit the 13 pounder up during happy hour and you just so happened to be the next group on lane 18. The list goes on. House balls suck.
Don't be a house ball guy any more. Be a "It's My Own Ball" guy. They command way more respect.
3. Pin Action: Anyone who says they're just bowling "for fun" is full of shit. You're out there to mark frames and go big. Otherwise just stay home and play with yourself.
The rest of us will be over here chasing that sweet, sweet pin action. I'm talking explosions in the pocket with a live fucking grenade that also doubles as a perfectly weighted 16-pound polyurethane bowling ball. I'm talking about waking up the neighbors and putting pins into retirement. Gone are the days of hitting the pocket with a straight house ball only to be left with a Greek Church
Carl wtf is a Greek Church?
Near-Post WW2 video production quality gets me every time.
Point is if you want to get the pins to explode, you got to be curving it in there. And if you're curving it in there, you should be using a custom ball that fits your bowling style. Imagine the difference between a 98 mph fastball that sinks vs. 80mph fastball right down the dick. That's the difference between pin action on your curved ball vs your standard house ball that's coming in like a loaf of bread.
Pin action is bowling 101.
4. The Perfect Fit: you ever grab a house ball and wonder "who has a thumb this fucking big?" or "if only the finger holes were closer together" or blah blah blah. We've all grabbed another man's ball at some time and it just didn't feel right. Almost like your hand belongs somewhere else.
Well listen up guys - that somewhere else is your own ball. I spent more time measuring my finger width for a bowling ball than I did my wedding ring. And while that sounds slightly/severely fucked up, you can't deny how much information goes into creating your own ball. And when it's done, it'll fit your hand better than any baseball glove, golf club, hockey whatever, etc. you could possibly imagine.
5. Babes: Do you like babes? Because they like custom bowling balls and you have zero success at attracting babes. Maybe something to think about.
6. This Is The Year You Finally Get Serious About Stuff: if you're normal, you're often times telling yourself that you're about to turn a corner. It's in your diet. In your work habits and social life. You want to improve where you're at currently, and the only thing slowing you down is your laissez faire state of mind.
Turns out all that shit is about to change because you're finally getting serious about stuff. You're gonna finally get new softball cleats. You're replacing the old golf clubs with new fitted ones that should take you from 95-105 to the 81-85 you desire. You've been going to the grocery store more often and stopped drinking alone Monday-Wednesday. Congratulations, it's time to take the next step and get serious about your bowling league. And more importantly, it's time to stop letting the guys down once a week. Get your own ball and become it's master.
7. Your Dad Had His Own Ball: self explanatory. My dad was in a league for years with his own ball. I thought it was so cool. That's why I'm nervous a lot of people forget that a custom bowling ball really speaks to the next generation. I feel like if we don't bring our own custom balls home to our sons and daughters, then we're failing to show them what's possible in life. Think of the kids.
8. Own Ball = Own Bag, And Bowling Bags Are Sweet: I carry an early 80's Brunswick leather with two plastic handles and no shoulder strap. Feels like my arm is going to rip out of its fucking socket every time I grab it from the trunk. But at the same time I kinda dig that pain. Gets me nice and loose for a big night on the lanes.
Modern bags have a lot more pleasantries: wheels, weather proof material, room for two balls, different compartments for your rosin bag and wrist guard, maybe even some reflective elements to increase safety while walking to your car in a dark parking lot. Bag technology has grown to such levels that it's almost as cool as the ball itself. No different than a golf bag minus the douchebag holding it and related greens fees.
9. You Want To Communicate To Your Significant Other That Wednesday Night Is Off Limits: another slam dunk. She thinks that now since you moved in, the bowling league dies and you relegate yourself to sub status. She's planning movie nights and making homemade dinners and thinking about a vacation when BOOM you come home with 15-pounds of custom pleasure in a Chicago Blackhawks themed bowling bag. She can't see the shoes but she smells the fresh leather.
How much did that cost?
It's going to take time, but in my experiences - men are generally reluctant to commit to things. Buying your own ball and related gear is the perfect way to say "Dont You Fucking Dare Take This From Me" long before it really becomes a thing.
In other words, a small investment now could pay HUGE dividends well into your 40's. Especially you young single folks. Get your shit now so it's baked into your future long-term relationships.
I guess he's always been a bowler? - your girl talking to her mom about why she can't get mad about the fact that you're never available on any Wednesday from January through March
10. Did I Mention Pin Action?: Yes. And it bears repeating. If you want to go big, get your own ball. If you want to hear the thunder, get your own ball. If you want to see chaos at the end of the lane, GET YOUR OWN BALL.
For example: here's a straight house ball in slow motion. Very limited pin action.
Notice it hits the 1-pin then immediately takes a left hand turn into the 2-pin before exiting into the gutter. You got yourself a strike but you leave so much to chance.
Now compare that to Pete Weber, the king of pin action, in his classic WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE I AM strike.
Look at that rock just bulldoze it's way down the center of the pins. Hits the 1-3 pocket. Crushes the 5th down the center before splitting the 8-9 perfectly.
So when I say "pin action" I'm just talking about your ball not being a little bitch when it comes to impact. If you're a house ball guy, get used to the first image. If you're a custom ball guy like me, get ready for some big scores.
11. Respect: Nothing gets the boys going more than unsheathing your ball from its bag at the start of the night. Like Jon Snow pulling out his sword getting ready to get steamrolled by House Bolton, you're ready to party.
Only this time you're fighting for peer respect vs. the fate of the known world. Major difference to some, coin flip to others. Personally I just want you guys in a position to be proud of your efforts, and your own ball starts that journey.
12. Just Another Reason To Bowl More: Now that I have my own ball, I'll literally bowl any where, any time, any place, any circumstances. There's no bowling alley I don't want to take on head first. No oil pattern too slick or competition too fierce. When you have your own ball in the trunk, you're empowered to do something most men can only dream of: Bowl More.
13. Your Wife Left You: maybe a little extreme of a reason, but still. You can't deny that a new ball would make you a new man in the face of life altering circumstances. Forget that twat and move on. There's some great leagues around town that would love to have a new butterfly signing up. Spread those wings and fly my man.
14. Dealer's Choice: I'm sure I missed some shit, so if there's something I haven't said yet that all the experts are like CARL YOU'RE FUCKING MISSING THE #1 THING ABOUT YOUR OWN BALL …. then this spot is for you. Call it a placeholder if you must. Just know that I'm an open minded guy who likes to cover his bases. So if you got a reason to get a new ball that I haven't mentioned, put it right here. That's why I call myself a People's Blogger. Always have been, always will be.
15. You Made It Through This Blog: if you made it through this blog, you should go get your own ball. We're building a community here and I don't want a bunch of house balls taking up space in the back. If I know what I'm doing (and I do) then I'm gonna need some of you to grow a pair and go get your own balls.