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Grading the Newest Sex Scandal Teacher

SST

Michigan – A former teacher at a suburban Detroit high school was charged Wednesday with having multiple sex acts with a 15-year-old student in her Spanish-language classroom, police said. Kathryn Ronk, 29, of Birmingham turned herself in to Madison Heights, Mich., police and was charged with five counts of first-degree criminal sexual conduct, according to police. Each charge is punishable by as much as a life sentence in prison… Detectives began investigating after the parents of a male student at Bishop Foley High School in Madison Heights, along with the school president, the Rev. Gerry LeBoeuf, filed a complaint on May 16, Madison Heights Deputy Chief Corey Haines said Wednesday. Ronk was dismissed from her job shortly afterward, Haines said. She had taught at the school since August…  The incidents at the school allegedly occurred from early January to April 30 in Ronk’s classroom — some after the school day, some during breaks in Ronk’s teaching schedule, Haines said. “According to our investigation, this was a combination of actual sexual intercourse and other sexual acts,” he said.

Let’s review.  The greater Detroit area is a dystopian Hellscape.  A squalid, post-apocalyptic nether world of hopeless and despair with areas of abandoned buildings larger than the city of Boston itself.  A place so bad that we can look back and laugh at the original “RoboCop” because it didn’t portray future Detroit badly enough.  Where there are few options left to make a subsistence living that don’t involve joining the permanent underclass of career criminals.  So what the one crime left that will actually get you punished as Detroit swirls the urban decay drain?  Being a Sex Scandal Teacher, that’s what.  Putting out for one of your students.  Bringing a little joy into some poor teenage kids’ otherwise desultory existence by giving him a little taste of a hot number like Kathryn Ronk.  That will get you life imprisonment in Motown.  They should be giving her the key to the city.  Or naming streets after her.  Or giving her grant money to promote SST-ing to help the local economy.  Maybe to build an SST Training Facility to create jobs and increase tourism.  But instead she’s looking at FIVE frickin’ life sentences.  If she goes to jail for this it’ll be the worst thing to happen to Detroit since the AMC Gremlin.

The Grades:
Looks:
Kind of a utility grade Sarah Silverman.  And I mean that as a compliment. Grade: B+
Moral Compass/Bad Judgment:
I love that she got hired in August and by January was already hitting the ground running.  You have to admire a rookie who’s that ready for the big time.  Points awarded for “intercourse and other sex acts.”  Also we can add classroom sex, after school sex, and the always-difficult-to-pull-off sex between classes.  There’s a lot to like here.  Grade: A
Intangibles:
I suppose if you send your boy to a Catholic school and hear he’s been the victim of “criminal sexual assault,” it must be devastating.  Then when you find out the perpetrator is Kathryn Ronk, what do you do?  Do you fake it?  Pretend you’re not relieved?  Act like you’re just as upset as you’d be if it was Father Pedo or somebody? I kind of feel like you’d have to, but inside you’d be wanting to fist bump Rev. LeBeouf.  Grade: B-
Overall:
B. I make no promises, but when I start scouting the year end All Star team, she’ll be under consideration.
[Thanks to many but @ess__deee was first]  Have information about a hot female teacher having sex with her students? Preferably with pictures? Help make the world safe for Teacher Sex Scandals by Tweeting me @jerrythornton1.