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Fist Bumps Are Way Cooler Than Shaking Hands Anyway

So one of the ways the NBA is trying to do their part to contain the spread of coronavirus is for players to opt for a fist bump with fans instead of high-fives coming through the tunnels. And you know what? I think this movement needs to be adopted outside of the NBA and into every day life. Because when it comes to greeting people, a fist bump is far more superior in every way to a handshake. 

I know there are going to be some hardos out there who will say shit about a handshake being a way to judge someone's character right off the bat. They'll say you can learn everything you need to know about a man by his handshake. Those guys probably also always have to sit facing the door when they're eating at restaurants because they think they're Jason fucking Bourne and they'll need to neutralize an attack while they're treating their date to a 2-for-$20 at Applebee's. But that's neither here nor there. Because handshakes stink and fist bumps are dope. 

That's for a variety of reasons. One of which is that they just look cooler. Unless you're dapping someone up, a standard handshake just looks too stuck up. Too formal. But hitting someone with the knucks? It's just so goddamn smooth. I can guarantee you right now that in all of those awkward situations where one person goes in for a fist bump and the other party attempts to receive it with a handshake, the person going for the fist bump is at least tenfold cooler. Science can back me up on that one. 

The most important reason, however, is that there's too much room for error when it comes to the handshake. I know that for me, personally, I know most of my handshakes are going to suck because I'm a guy who sweats a lot. More often than not, my hands are gonna have a little clam to them. And even if they're not clammy to start, they're going to clam up because I'm worried about the potential of them being clammy for a handshake. You don't have to deal with that on a fist bump. You also don't have to deal with someone grabbing your hand too quickly before you have the ability to properly set up your grip. Nothing worse than when someone snagging up your hand too soon and then you have to worry about them thinking you have a dainty little grip on your shake. Or what about when people decide to hold on for too long? You don't have to deal with that when you're giving someone knucks because it's just a bump and dump. 

All I'm saying is if you're keeping track of the scoreboard, fist bumps are shit pumping handshakes right now. Run the clock and start the buses. 

@BarstoolJordie