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Grading the Newest Sex Scandal Teacher

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IllinoisA high school teacher has been sentenced to 30 months probation after having sex with a student. Amber Kraus, 30, worked at Grant Community High School near Fox Lake, Chicago… She pleaded guilty to aggravated criminal sexual abuse but could have faced a sentence of three to seven years in prison if convicted at trial. She had taught at the school for eight years… Ultimately, the former science teacher admitted to having ‘some sexual contact with the teen’ but not sexual intercourse. The victim, who is aged between 13 and 17, told police the two exchanged inappropriate photos of each other and had sexual intercourse at Kraus’ Grayslake apartment.

I read a story like this one… the terrible swift sword of justice finally catching up to another SST… and I can’t help but think of Mike Ehrmantraut’s legendary “Half Measures” speech to Walter on “Breaking Bad.”  Because let’s face it, half measures are all we got out of Amber Kraus.  I mean, are we asking too much that she commit to something here?  She doesn’t protest her innocence and demand trial by a jury of her peers.  She admits she did it but won’t say what. Takes a sentence but no jail time.   Says they had sex but not penetration.  (What then?  Were they playing “Just the Tip?”)  Hell, we don’t even know how old the kid was.  All we get is this dull, bland, plastic shopping bag full of gray area.  And that is no way to pull off a Teacher Sex Scandal.  If you want to be one of the greats, you’ve got to go all in.  You’ve got to do something amazing, something splashy, something new.  To boldly go where no slutty teacher has gone before. Unless you’re insanely attractive, and in no world can Ms. Kraus pull that one off.  So for all you aspiring but below average looking SSTs, step it up or don’t even bother trying.  To quote Mike, “No more half measures, Amber…”

The Grades:
Looks: 
That photo is almost surreal because one exactly like it has appeared in every high school yearbook produced in the United States since 1963.  Never for one second has that hairdo been in style.  But it’s never gone away, either. Grade: D+
Moral Compass/Bad Judgment:
Exchanging naked pictures?  How quaint.  What?  Is it 2004 again already? Grade: C-
Intangibles:
I’m a big believer in the notion that your name pre-determines what kind of person you are.  It’s the old Lloyd Dobler “Elliot is a fat kid with glasses who eats paste/ Nick’s your buddy who doesn’t mind if you puke in his car” theory.  But this story is making me re-think the whole idea because she is the first truly homely Amber I’ve ever seen in my life. Grade: D
Overall:
D+. Unless the entire rest of the 2014 SST roster meets a Marshall plane crash like scenario there’s no way she makes the end of the year lineup.
Have information about a hot female teacher having sex with her students? Preferably with pictures? Help make the world safe for Teacher Sex Scandals by Tweeting me @jerrythornton1.