So what we have here is Michigan point guard Zavier Simpson speaking with the Ann Arbor Police Department following a car accident. Simpson didn't do anything illegal and wasn't under the influence or anything, he just crashed the car. Happens to everybody.
However, Simpson, for whatever reason, decides to tell the cops it actually wasn't him who had been driving, or even been in the car for that matter. And if you are ever going to lie to the police — which I would strongly advise against, seeing as it's a crime — you should be a much better liar than Zavier Simpson, because he's about the least convincing liar I've ever seen.
Detroit Free Press — But Simpson said it's not his car, video shows. He’d just walked up to it.
“I’m not sure, but the kid ran down the block there,” he says.
The man and woman say they were just passersby.
Simpson gives the name “Jeff” for his first name and “Jackson” for his middle name.
When asked for his last name, he pauses briefly and says “Simpson.”
“Like the basketball player?” the officer says.
“Yeah,” Simpson replies.
Jeff Jackson Simpson.
I can imagine the panic going through his mind when he thought he'd gotten away with Jeff Jackson, only to find out the officer had asked for a middle name instead of a last name. And then when he still needed another last name, just went ahead and stuck with old faithful. And thus, Jeff Jackson Simpson was born.
It turns out he didn't want to admit to wrecking the car because it belonged to the athletic director's son, who apparently loaned it out to athletes to use at their leisure.
Jeff's mood changed pretty quickly when the cop pulled out, "We can arrest you," after figuring out with almost no effort who he actually was.
Simpson eventually told the cops who he was and got away with just a citation and a one-game suspension. The moral of the story: if you're going to lie, make sure you're good at it. Long live Jeff Jackson Simpson.