Advertisement

OFFICIAL: China Says It Is Safe To Fart

That guy right there crop dusting the room on an infrared cam...he is A-okay accoring to the Chinese government. Fart everywhere. Stink it up. Planes, public, trains, restaurants, crowded bars, it does. not. matter. You can rip ass without fear. Your gas won't spread coronavirus. 

The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) of Tongzhou district in Beijing clarified that farts, normally, do not constitute another transmission route of COVID-19, unless someone takes a good and rather close sniff of gas from a pantless patient.

The comments from the Tongzhou district CDC were made in response to netizens' recent concerns that infected patients may spread the disease via passing gas. The concerns were prompted by the latest research findings from a research team led by Chinese top medical adviser Zhong Nanshan which suggested that they had isolated novel coronavirus strains from samples of infected patients' feces and urine.

The findings made some worry that the virus is too "toxic" that farts could be a new transmission route.

Some anxious individuals also called for mass production of N95 facial mask-like protection for their bottoms.

The Tongzhou district CDC said it had clearly done their homework before writing the article, and they cited a fart experiment carried out by Karl Kruszelnicki and Luke Tennent a couple of years ago. Their findings were published on discovermagazine.com with the conclusion that pants can effectively screen out germs.

Your underwear and pants effectively serve as one of medical masks. And if you're thinking "Chief, what about girls? Girls in skirts who wear thongs or no underwear?". That's easy folks...girls don't fart. No problem there. Although I gotta say....it would be WAY better if the coronavirus was spread by farts. You catch a whiff of a bad fart and you know you're about to gassed to death. As things stand right now it's a silent killer. A cough or a bad batch of bat soup could send you to quarantine/death. Fart diseases would never get to pandemic level. We need to figure out a way to attach smell to deadly viruses. That's the only way to survive.