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How Good Are Mars Bars? Apparently Good Enough To End A Prison Hostage Standoff After The Prisoners Were Given Mars Bars In Exchange For Their Weapons

The Sun- A five-hour long hostage situation at an Irish prison was successfully diffused after an armed inmate gave up his weapon in exchange for a Mars bar. The Midlands Prison in Portlaoise, County Laois was placed into lockdown after two inmates seized a fellow prisoner and took him hostage in a cell.

The two assailants reportedly threatened to cut off their victim’s ears with a knife if their demands for “tobacco, Swiss rolls and Mars bars” were not met. The prison’s emergency control and restraint team subsequently entered into lengthy negotiations with the men before persuading them to hand over their weapon in exchange for a Mars bar.

What a goddamn win for Mars Bars! For as long as I can remember, the Mars Bar has been overshadowed by its culinary constituents in the Mars Incorporated company over here in the US of A. Legendary brands like M&M's, Twix, Snickers, and Skittles have been putting the sugar squad on their back every day of the year and twice on Halloween.

However it appears that the Mars Bars rules the day across the pond in Ireland considering it trumped tobacco and Swiss rolls in a high stakes hostage negotiation. You know how good your product has to be to be higher on the list of demands than fucking tobacco for a person that can't cure their nic fix whenever they want or stopping a prisoner from re-enacting the infamous ear scene from Reservoir Dogs once they have a victim in place?

THAT'S the reason it says Mars on the company's signs and all those other delicious candies get their paychecks from Mars Inc. If I was the CEO of Mars, I would demand this story get retweeted left and right with comments like Mars Bars: Better Than Tobacco and Mars Bars: We Saved A Dude's Ear This Week, No Big Deal. I couldn't even tell you the last time I've had a Mars Bar or if I've ever even had a Mars Bar. But after reading this story, it is now the most delicious treat on the planet and I am counting down the seconds until I get one with my lunch.