Wake Up With A Did You Know: The South Planned To Invade And Conquer All Of The Central America After The Civil War

That fella there is whistling dixie. It was a battle hymn for the South. You've probably heard it in movies about evil slave holders or just in the background at college football games in Mississippi. Well once upon a time there were a bunch of guys who looked EXACTLY like the man above who wanted to hear that tune whistling all across the Americas. There is an alternate universe where that song is played not only across the South, but also all over the Caribbean, Mexico, and all the way down to Colombia and Venezuela. 

The Missouri Compromise limited the Southern States severely as all the southern states to the West were desert areas like West Texas, New Mexico, and Arizona. The South relied heavily on agriculture (and you know, slaves) for their economies and if you can't grow cotton or tobacco in those places then you are severely limited in what you can do. So a group of assholes from the South formed this society called Knights Of The Golden Circle. They wanted to expand into Carribean and Latin American territories that were there for the taking because the Spanish Empire was collapsing and land was there for the annexing. 

Step 1 on the plan: Win the War vs the North...didn't go so well for them. But if it had...

Step 2: Invade Cuba and Puerto Rico

The United States tried to buy Cuba from Spain at different points and Spain always told the US to go fuck themselves. Cuba and it's sugar was an untouchable. Then as tensions were escalating between the North and the South in America, Southerners tried to beat the drum to invade Cuba and make it a state/territory. That would give the South a BIG voting block so the Northern states said no to that idea. If the South won the Civil War though they wanted to expand their interests and nobody from NYC was around to squash their plans. 

Step 3: Invade Mexico

Mexico was still hurting after the Mexican-American War. The United States had invaded and conquered all the way to Mexico City, but pulled back because again...didn't want to give Slave States more territory. The South wanted to go back in there and snatch up more real estate. The plan was to either take all of Mexico or shrink their borders significantly. 

Step 4: Everywhere else

Why stop at just a few islands and Mexico? The proposed plan would have the South looking like this

The Confederacy was going to make Havana or Montgomery the new Capital of their country in what would've no doubt been the most evil place in the world. Great for baseball, absolutely horrible for humanity. The South was never going to win the war because they had no people or industry and they're fucking morons for ever trying to secede in the first place, but if somehow someway they had won the entire course of history is different and decidedly more awful. Shout out to Lincoln, Grant, and the North for saving the world. Have a good day