Father's Day Collection | T-Shirts, Hats, Polos, Crewnecks, Q-Zips and MoreSHOP NOW

Advertisement

Gather Around: Let's Have A Fire Side Chat About Something Very Important Part 1

Before we really get into what I want to talk about, I need to be honest. The hand by the fire thumbnail has nothing to do with this blog. It's an old blogging trick to get folks in the blog. People love fire and hands. Together, lookout. It's a click landslide. Usually, like in the words of Longtime Stoolie Stevie Nicks, a landslide will bring you down. This blog will not bring you down unless, of course, you recognized the source material for the thumbnail. If you did, I'm sorry. If you didn't, so that we are all on the same page, it's a hand of a Nepalese devotee warming himself around a fire after taking a holy dip in the river during the festival in Bhaktapur. Madhav Narayan festival or Swasthani Brata Katha is a festival in which devotees recite holy scriptures dedicated to Hindu goddess Swasthani and Lord Shiva. Nepalese Hindu women who are unmarried pray for a good husband while married pray for the long life of their husband. Unmarried women who want to be married. Obviously sad stuff there. I love love so much that just the thought of that happening breaks my heart. But, nothing can be done. These Nepalese women are on their own journey and so are we.

Let's move on to the heart of the matter which is the heart. 

Are you familiar with the term, "L'elisir d'amore?" Of course, you are. As you know, it means Elixir of Love and was also the term describing a wonderful melodrama giocoso (comedic opera) by the Italian composer Gaetano Donizetti. It premiered in 1832 in Millan after being written in just 6 weeks! Incredible! Can you imagine, 6 weeks of work that has lead to nearly 200 years of unequaled beauty on stages across the globe? Delightful. 

"Interesting, Chaps. Interesting, indeed. But, why blog this now? Why on February on 25th, 2020 would you blog about the L'elisir d'Amore, a personal favorite of all true Stoolies?" 

Well, recently I have been working my way through Pavarotti's vast catalog. I saw a documentary about him on a flight that I took via United from San Antonio to Newark. It was a direct flight and I was upgraded to the First Class Cabin due to status and airline miles. The entertainment was free because I already had the United app downloaded on my phone and tablet because I'm a frequent flier. I downloaded the app at home months before but always ensure that it's up-to-date because, once you are in the air, you cant download the app. Strange. But, policy nonetheless. With the app downloaded, I easily browsed the contents of the United App and saw the documentary about Pavarotti. Two cups of tonic water deep and feeling a slight urge to piss even before takeoff, I was feeling loose and hydrated. So, I decided to opt against an early morning nap and watched the aforementioned Pavarotti documentary. Regret? I had none. 

Advertisement

I fell in love with the story of the Italian farm boy turned international superstar. As such, I began consuming all of his work. I've listened to everything now and a few selections have remained in my soul for what I can only assume will be the remainder of my natural life. One of those selections is Act 2 from, you guessed it, L'elisir d'amore. If you arent familiar, allow me to open a deep breath in your lungs that will be as deep as the lakes cut by ancient glaciers in upstate New York. The Finger Lakes. Beautiful. This ariel view of the Fingers Lakes that I took on a different United flight is representative of your lungs soon. The beautiful finger lakes. Enjoy!

Some of those cuts, or fingers, were nearly 2 miles deep in the last ice age. That's how much breath is about to be added to your lungs via art. 2 miles of frozen, pure, crisp art. Your art asthma is about to be given the best albuterol inhaler with a technology-improved spacer which helps the medicine get in the lungs. (Seriously. If you have asthma and aren't using a spacer for your inhaler, you should. The medicine gets to your bronchial tubes much more efficiently. You look like a dork but it's worth it). Anyway, enough about asthma. 

Are you ready? Puff. Puff. Press play and follow my instructions. 

From the beginning, we hear the accompaniment that is fit for a king. A king is ready to provide his auditory subjects with the bread of vocals needed to sustain even the most famished, namely you. That king is the incomparable Luciano Pavarotti. 

As we begin our climb at 1:55, we see that a treat is coming. Nowhere near the crescendo, we lay in waiting. With only the first course on our plates, we unbuckle. Our ear bellies already need more space. Our kingly chef has a full feast coming. Previously anemic and starving for more, to the chagrin of other Opera guests we shout out inappropriately, "More, Papa! Dump it down my throat!"

"Shhhhh," the place erupts. 

Take a breath. Deep. Blow it out. Let's move on. 

We are lost in his eyes now. It's effortless as he takes us on a trip all the way through Act 2 of the Elixir of Love. At 4:16 I need you to press pause. We are but a car hanging on a cliff now. The 2-second pause is like what I imagine death to be. We look straight into the eyes of our vocal god and approach his mouth as if it is heaven. St. Peter is standing at the gates which are Pavarotti's teeth ready to welcome us to the promised land but we did not come to heaven for Peter. We did not come for St. Paul who is represented by the tongue here. We came to hear the full spirit and breath of the Holy Ghost which is what shoots out from Pavarotti's mouth at 4:18. Press play again. Weep if you must. 

Fuck. Just beautiful. We think we are going to elevate to a full-breathed belting but it's control that we see. It's self-control that we need in our lives. It's discipline. Discipline begets strength. Strength begets weakness. Not weakness in the traditional sense but weakness that allows us to really feel something deep and meaningful. Something like love. In order to feel something like that, it doesn't come from any type of medicine. It comes from a place of searching and finding. The truth of the matter is that there is no Elixir of Love or L'elisir d'amore. That's the real point of this play written in 1832. Six weeks to write. Two hundred years to understand the lessons and we still aren't there. The real point of Elixir of Love or L'elisir d'amore is that the only real elixir of love comes from not an elixir but when he licks her vagina before sex in order to get that natural love lube flowing so that they might cum together at the same time. That's real beauty, folks. Lick your lady's bits. That's the point. Cunnilingus is a gift. Unwrap your lady's clit like a Lindor Truffle that was made by the finest chocolatiers. Delicate but with purpose. The purpose? To eat and gush. 

Advertisement

We learn that, like so many other things, from Pavarotti. He was a gentle giant with a tongue of muscle. We should all be so lucky. Namaste and good work everyone. Here's a bonus track for reading this long. You deserve it.