Trade Centre: Did Johnny Hockey Have To Go Number 1 Or Number 2?
Any of you guys ever have to go to the bathroom at work before? I'd imagine most of you have gone at least once or twice before. Well the thing about professional hockey players is that they're just like us. Sometimes they need to pee and poop at work. The only issue is when they need to pee and/or poop on the NHL Trade Deadline Day. Especially when that player has had his name circulating around some trade rumors over the previous few weeks. When that happens--and it happens every single year--it sends everybody into a massive panic.
This year it was none other than Johnny Hockey. Now just last week, Mr. Hockey got everybody all fired up when he took the "Calgary Flames" out of his Twitter bio. Who knows if he did it on purpose or if he just accidentally hit a few wrong buttons on his phone, but once all of Hockey Twitter started coming up with their theoretical trades for Johnny Gaudreau, he fixed his Twitter bio and put the Flames back in there. But still, people have been on high alert for a potential Gaudreau trade since then. Then we get to today. The NHL Trade Deadline at 3pm EST. The Flames are on the ice for practice when out of nowhere...
OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! It's finally happening!! The Flyers are finally trading to bring Johnny Gaudreau back home where he belongs. Voracek + Gostisbehere for Johnny Gaudreau. Incredible! Chuck Fletcher has done it again, that beautiful son of a bitch! And just as soon as you were getting ready to order your Flyers Gaudreau sweater...
Honestly there needs to be some sort of media suspension for doing shit like this. 6 minutes, man? It took you 6 fucking minutes to figure that out? If it's an answer you could have got in 6 minutes, why wouldn't you just hold off on tweeting the initial tweet? Why wouldn't you just wait a minute or two to make sure the kid didn't just have to go to the bathroom? For Christ's sake. This Derek Wills fella should have to sit for at least the next 5-7 games after what he did here today.
But in case you're still interested in the answer here, Johnny Hocks just had to rip a quick mid-practice piss.
I heard Wayne Gretzky used to pee his pants during games so now I'm a little worried that Johnny isn't nearly as committed as The Great One. But it also wouldn't surprise me if he made sure he didn't pee before practice just so he could work everyone into a little frenzy this afternoon. You can take the kid out of South Jersey but you can't take the South Jersey out of the kid. Buncha little shit heads.