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The New Phillie Phanatic Just Stole Your Girl And There Ain’t Shit You Can Do About It

Looks like he lost a little weight in the midsection. Gained some wait in the caboose. The new Phanatic has a big time wagon, a new tail, and a fresh pair of kicks? Buddy,,,,,the new Phanatic is hot as shit.

Lotta folks out there are naturally going to be upset with the changes. That’s just the way that peoples’ brains work nowadays. Everybody is programmed to be negative at all times and to hate on everything. But the new Phanatic is pure Daddy mode. A certified beauty who has an ass that just won’t quit. 

Only thing that doesn’t make sense is why the Phillies would save the lawsuit money by changing up the Phanatic and then not using that extra organizational money to pay Kris Bryant, but whatever. That’s not the point of the blog. The point here is that the new Phanatic fucks, and the only way he could possibly fuck harder is if they just went with Green Man.

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@BarstoolJordie