Dina Lohan Will Be Managing Her Daughter Ali Lohan’s New Music Career

Radar - Lindsay Lohan‘s younger sister is hoping to be the next big pop star. Ali Lohan, who is currently signed to Wilhelmina modeling agency, has been busy in the recording studio working on a new album, sources exclusively tell RadarOnline.com. “She enjoys modeling, but she’s ready for a change,” a source tells Radar. “She’s a performer at heart.” This will technically be Ali’s third album. (She previously released two holiday albums: “Christmas with Ali Lohan” in 2012 and “Lohan Holiday” in 2006.) This time around, her embattled showbiz parent Dina Lohan is managing her music career, the source added. “Ali wants to be taken seriously and is ready to put everything she has into this record,” the source explained. “Ali wants her new sound to be Miley Cyrus meets Lana Del Rey.”

Good call. I can’t think of anyone more qualified to manage another human being’s career than Dina Lohan. If there’s one thing Dina Lohan is good at, it’s managing her family and helping them make good decisions. She helped Lindsay skyrocket to the top of the world, and now she’s back for her other failed abortion daughter. The good news is they already know what the people want- another autotuned pop star! Nailed it! At first I thought this would be a terrible idea, and that my shits have a better chance of being successful pop stars, but if Dina’s track record of managing anything in her life is foreshadowing, look for Ali to headline stadiums in the very near future. No chance she gets high on crack and wraps her car around a telephone pole within the next year.

PS: I’m jacked for Christmas now.