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Old Dude Dies Crashing His Car Into A Wall After "Extreme Sex" With A Prostitute

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Mirror – A pensioner died of a heart attack after having sex with a prostitute. Wolfgang Eggers, 65, drove to the border town of Domazlice, Czech Republic, where he met up with Katerina Novakova, 29. The German then took her for a steamy forest drive where they had sex before he returned to drop her off in town. But on the way back he suddenly collapsed from a heart attack, and slammed the carinto a wall. Initially, police thought he had died from the crash. A police spokesman said: “We received a call from a woman saying there had been an accident. “What we couldn’t work out at the time was how the accident could have killed him as although the front of the vehicle was badly damaged the car interior was fine. “We found some Viagra pills in the car and a woman’s lipstick.” A post-mortem then revealed he had most likely died of heart attack brought about by “extreme exertions”. Czech police began asking round and soon discovered that he was a regular visitor to the town which is notorious as a place where German men to go and pick up prostitutes. The spokesman said: “When we discovered that, it was only a matter of time before we found that at the time of the crash he had been in his car with one of the prostitutes.” Speaking to local media hooker Novakova said: “He was a regular client and a real gent. “He used to come to me about once a week. “We had finished our business and he was taking me home when he suddenly stiffened, rolled his eyes and slumped on the wheel. “We then drove straight into the wall.” Police are now looking at whether to charge the woman for failing to assist in the investigation and leaving the scene of an accident. The spokesman said: “She had important information which could have helped us identify the circumstances of his death much quicker.”

May we all be as lucky as this dude. First of all his name is Wolfgang. That guy is already cooler than all of us. Second of all, I cant think of a better way to go. 65 years old is the perfect age to die. Dont have to worry about getting too old and shitting yourself and falling down the stairs and shit. And fucking a hooker is the perfect way to go. Pop a Viagra, get one last boner, have some extreme sex with a prostitute, and drive yourself into a wall. I bet this guy didnt even have a heart attack. I bet he just did this on purpose. Probably just got an awesome hummer from a Czech hooker and went out on top like Costanza. “Alright, that’s it for me! Be good everybody!”

In all seriousness, being 65 and just regularly banging hookers sounds fucking AWESOME. I cant wait to be retired and fuck prostitutes. Imagine that life? Hopefully you’ve saved up enough money. Got a nice little retirement fund to live off of. You’re old enough where you get that free pass where you can just be the wacky old man in the room who says and does whatever he wants. Dont need to hide your racism or prejudice anymore. And every now and then a few times a week you drive down to the red light district and buy whores. Fuck em in your car and then go home watch Wheel and call it a night. Thats paradise folks.