"You're Not Robbing Shit." Jack In The Box Employee Fends Off Robber By Trying To Fight Him Outside Of Restaurant


YAKIMA, Wash. — A Yakima fast food employee wasn’t having it when someone tried to rob him last Saturday, according to a police report.

Officers were called to the Jack In The Box on North First Street around 1 p.m. for a report of an attempted robbery that went awry for the suspect.

The suspect, 37-year-old Damian McCorkle, allegedly walked to the restaurant and ordered some food. A witness said he was wearing a coat with his hands in his pockets, as if he was going to pull something out of it, and told the cashier he needed money, police said.

Kind of a bold move, no? Just walking into an establishment and demanding money with your hands in your pockets, creating the illusion of having a weapon of sorts. That's usually sign number one that the guy doesn't actually have a weapon. It oddly reminds me of when Micheal Scott is doing improv and they tell him he can't have a gun.

"He told me he couldn't show me but he has a gun" is exactly how I imagine this employee explained things to police once they actually showed up.

Maybe next time put a little more fucking effort in. I'm not saying that he should've attempted to 'rob' the restaurant at all but if he was gonna risk his freedom, maybe a little better to come prepared. You can't be going around using finger guns to rob such a classy establishment like Jack In The Box.

Based on statements from witnesses at the restaurant, a police report described the encounter as follows:

“I’m robbing you,” the suspect said.

“You’re not robbing s*,” the cashier replied.

“Yeah I am. I need the money,” the suspect said.

“I will beat your a. You want to go outside and handle this?”

The suspect then left the store.

Oh my heavens.

This man just got bullied right out of that restaurant. Not the best look when the big tough robber scampers away at the mention of a scrap. He wanted absolutely zero part of the Jack In The Box employee who I can only assume has the physique of Shawn Oakman. The robber HAS to fight him. He can't just get bodied in front of the whole restaurant like that. I like to imagine that once the cashier said “I will beat your ass. You want to go outside and handle this?” the robber took off scared like an old Scooby-Doo episode.

The other side of that coin is how fucking baller is this cashier?? Telling people "You're not robbing shit" at 1 PM on a goddamn Tuesday. I would've let that man have every last cent in the cash register. Not because I'd be scared, I'd probably thinking "sure dude, take this $35 and just get out of here". To me, It's just not worth the struggle.

One could argue that this employee's talents are clearly being wasted away at a fast food joint when he could be guarding more important things. Imagine this guy guarding priceless diamonds and some jewel thieves come rappelling in. He'd probably just look up at them and argue until the point where he says his signature line:

"I will beat your ass. You want to go outside and handle this?"

"No Mr. Diamond Protecter Sir, we made a mistake. We'll get out of your hair"

Honestly, this guy might fuck around and take over the entire Jack In The Box franchise. I mean, who's gonna tell this guy no? His boss??? This is an employee who had no idea whether or not the robber actually had a weapon or not. Sure, the signs pointed to he didn't have a weapon but you never know. The employee didn't give a single fuck and laid it all on the line.

Thankfully no one was hurt and police were able to apprehend the perp. It should be fun telling everyone in jail that he's in there because he chickened out of a robbery.