Get A Load Of This Baby Born With Teeth

BRANSON, Mo. — Alyssa Bella Bailey is only a week old but she’s already making headlines with her smile. The little girl from Branson, Missouri, was born with two lower front teeth. The doctors and nurses who delivered her at Mercy Hospital Springfield on Dec. 28 couldn’t believe their eyes. “Right when she first arrived everyone was shocked,” Alyssa’s mother, Jaklina Bailey, told CBS affiliate KOLR-TV. “They said, ‘she has two front teeth?’ It was just the big talk in the delivery room.” Bailey says her doctor was just as shocked as everyone else. “She said in her 25 year career this is the second time she’s ever seen it,” says Bailey. “We had two other doctors that came in just to look, and nurses, they were just like, ‘let me see, let me see.'”  It’s an uncommon occurrence known as “natal teeth.” According to Medline Plus, part of the U.S. National Library of Medicine, natal teeth occur once in every 2,000 to 3,000 births. Natal teeth can be associated with medical conditions like growth hormone deficiencies or cleft palates, but most of the time, babies like Alyssa Bella are perfectly healthy. “They said it’s just going to grow with the rest of her teeth,” says Bailey.

Well I hope you kept the receipt for this little Devil Baby. Send this little motherfucker right back where she came from. Get store credit at the Demon Outlets or some shit. I give it another week before she sprouts horns, a spiked tail and hooves because this baby is flat out evil. And I love the doctors just being like “Dont worry! Not a big deal! They’ll just keep growing with your other teeth!” Sounds great. 2 giant piano keys in that little mouth of yours while the other chompers pop through.

No sir. No thank you. I dont think I can handle a perfectly normal baby right now, let alone one that pops out with a mouth full of teeth straight out of the pages of the Apocalypse.

PS – Enjoy breastfeeding, Jaklina