Wake Up With Bumbling Idiot/Scumbag Astros Owner Jim Crane Contradicting Himself In A Matter Of 55 Seconds

55 seconds. FIFTY FIVE SECONDS. That's all it took for Astros owner Jim Crane to contradict himself in a press conference he's had months to prepare for. What an asshole. As Dave said on The Rundown yesterday, Crane has turned himself into quite the villain. His name even sounds like a person of true evil. He doesn't give a fuck what he says or who he offends. Crane also doesn't feel he's responsible for anything. Must be nice to be the owner and head of a multi billion dollar organization and not feel responsible when your employees get caught in massive scandal that you definitely knew about the whole time. 

Hey Jim, when Carlos Correa comes out and says this gave the team an advantage I'd say it had an impact on the games. When Marwin Gonzalez had a career year in 2017 and hasn't come close to those numbers since I'd say it had an impact. When the Astros strikeout rates plummet while their contact rates spike I'd say it had an impact on the game. When you win the World Series title because of this elaborate scheme I'd say it had an impact on the games. I don't know I'm just spitballing here. Clearly your brain, Jim, doesn't know what's going on either, but like you said, you shouldn't be  held accountable. Not even for something you said 55 seconds ago!

The craziest part about all of this is that Crane supposedly hired a "crisis PR team" according to Jeff Passan. I'm starting to convince myself this was a Trojan Horse PR team, assembled to infiltrate and destroy the Astros from the inside. Secretly the Dodgers or Yankees have to be paying these guys under the table to sabotage the cheaters. You know what? I've convinced myself. There's just no way a real PR team, good enough to be hired for this severe of a situation, would guide these guys this way. It's impossible. If you picked a group of 10 random people off the street they could collectively come up with a better plan than this. 

Who knows what today will bring. Who knows when the first fastball to the back will happen. Just when you think it can't get worse, Jim Crane opens his mouth again. We're not close to being done with this, but I also can't wait for some baseball. One week from today and we're back!