I’ve been married for six years to the love of my life. Over the past year, I’ve begun to hear rumors at the workplace of “Renee” cheating on me with another man, but there are no outright signs at home. The shocking twist to this story is that the purported man is not only a coworker, but a man I consider to be one of my closest friends. We’ve even taken him on vacation with us and accepted him into our apartment. Admittedly, the romance of our marriage has cooled off recently due to other interests, but I feel like that is par for the course after several years together. I still love Renee with all of my heart and have never even thought about being with another woman. My dilemma here is how to approach this delicate situation. Do I confront my wife about it and risk accusing her of something that will jeopardize our marriage? Do I approach my coworker and risk not only losing a great friend, but potentially ruining the great workplace chemistry that we have established?
– Mind-Bottled in Milton
Meredith Hoss Goldstein’s Answer
A: Approach your wife, please. Not with anger, but with concern. You can tell her that you’ve heard these rumors and that you have no idea how to process the information. You can explain that the rumors have caused you to worry about whether she’s happy with the marriage. See what she has to say. This situation is delicate, but it can’t be avoided. You can’t continue this three-way friendship if you’re secretly stewing about what you’ve heard. And really, your wife deserves to know about the rumor mill — and about your anxiety. It’s her marriage too. Whatever you do, don’t confront your friend. For the moment, this is between you and your wife. Call on that partnership.
Readers? Should he keep this to himself? Should he confront the wife? Do you believe the rumors? What should he do? Help.
Typical horrible advice from Hoss. Yeah go ask your wife if she’s cheating on you based on rumors you heard at work. I’m sure that will go over well. Might as well bring the divorce papers with you. Hey I have an idea. How about before confronting your wife maybe you should figure out if there is an agenda or reason why people are talking shit about you in the first place? Maybe there is jealousy? Maybe people hate you because they want to be you? Maybe they are jealous of your internet dollars or stunning good looks? Lot of factors at play here. Per usual Pres is here to save the day.
El Pres Advice
Dear Mind Bottled in Milton,
Here is what I’d ask yourself. Has a porn star ever publicly acknowledged that you have a big dick? Do you make mad internet dollars? Are you a mogul? If you answered yes to any of those questions I think you’re safe.
But even if none of those things were true you got to ask yourself who is starting these rumors? Are they truly friends of yours or enemies? Are they rationally functioning humans or miscreants who live to stir the pot? Do they say anything else mean about you? Do they comment on your religion or physical appearance? Maybe the size of your nose perhaps? Do they consistently try to knock you down a peg? Or was this an isolated innocent?
Because if the people who started these rumors also say other negative things about you maybe this is just another attempt to get under your skin? To bring you down to their level. To rip you from your throne? Maybe that’s what’s going on here? So if anything I’d take these slights and insults as acknowledgement of your greatness. I wouldn’t bring it up to your wife. Because speaking from experience I know that rule #1 of life is chicks don’t cheat on kings so I think you’re safe.