US Customs Agents Find A Passenger From China With Luggage Filled With Dead Ass Birds (dead bird chat)

I know what you’re thinking. This is all too convenient on a day filled with dead bird talk here at barstool. My old group chat left me for dead after just one day and I said I’d find a way back in. Fuck that. After hearing them out on the Chaps and Kate Show, I don’t want back in. You wouldn’t either.

Now, let’s get into these Chinese birds. When I first saw the birds, I was alarmed. Those birds are very dead. What could you possibly need birds that dead for? A biological weapon in the making? Far be it from me to spread rumors about such a thing but I’ve seen enough Doomsday Preppers to know that avian flu is a nightmare to contain. Is that what is happening here? Let’s take a deeper look.

Ha ha these are packages of dead birds for adorable little kitty cats. Nothing to fear here. Let’s keep reading to make sure though. Safety is paramount when dealing with intercontinental plagues of biblical proportions.

“The birds from China are prohibited for import due to the potential threat of highly pathogenic avian influenza. The avian products were seized on behalf of U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) and destroyed by incineration, with USDA approval.

“These dead birds are prohibited from importation to the United States as unprocessed birds pose a potentially significant disease threat to our nation’s poultry industries and more alarmingly to our citizens as potential vectors of avian influenza,” said Casey Durst, Director of Field Operations for CBP’s Baltimore Field Office. “Customs and Border Protection agriculture specialists continue to exercise extraordinary vigilance every day in their fight to protect our nation’s agricultural and economic prosperity from invasive pests and animal diseases.

Well fuck me raw and never call me again. This might end in my death. If it does, do not invite Coley to my funeral because he was the ringleader against me. Make him stay at home without any pre-funeral snacks.