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Super Bowl Champion Chris Jones Takes Us Through His Kansas City Parade Shenanigans

A few weeks ago, Pardon My Take had a Heisman winner in the Cash App studios. Today, Pardon My Take had a Super Bowl Winner in the Cash App studios. Kansas City Chiefs defensive tackle Chris Jones joined Mr. Cat and Mr. Commenter to discuss an interesting set of events at the combine, his experience in Super Bowl 54 last week, and much more. After the Chiefs claimed the Lombardi Trophy, Jones explained what went down at the team parade just a few days later:

Mr. Commenter: Did you do a beer luge?

Chris Jones: You know I did, dog. Listen, something about the parade: it went crazy in Kansas City, I mean, they're still going crazy. It was like 30 degrees. I started too early and I got on a bus. I had the Ace of Spades with me, just to throw the champagne everywhere. I bought like three bottles, they gave me a bottle also. And I had the Patron, just for those who love tequila. And you know I had the Brown, I had the Gentleman Jack's. I had Crown Apple, extreme rare. 

Mr. Commenter: A little bit of everything. 

Mr. Cat: And then you had to do the Stone Cold.

Chris Jones: You know, they had the Bud Light on the bus, so I didn't even have to move. So, I get on the bus, my girlfriend was like, "Just calm down. You know, let's just take it easy." My teammates, they're like, "Chris, let's not start early. I know you're excited." So, I grab both bottles, and one particular fan had two bottles. She clocked them together and I'm like, you're not outdoing me. So, I grabbed two bottles, clocked them together. Boom, boom, boom. That was before the bus even moved. Five minutes later, I started feeling a little woozy, cause I did this like eight or nine times. I'm like, "Shit, let me sit down."

Mr. Commenter: But that's a good day to do it. How often do you win a Super Bowl?

Mr. Cat: 16 beers!

Chris Jones: That's what I was telling people. Listen, we had the owner there, the corporate, the president, and I told them, "Listen. If you all are looking at me from a business standpoint, don't right now." You know what I mean? Because today is not the day. You're going to see some shit that you will probably never see again out of Chris, unless we get right here again next year. 

Good luck hanging with this guy, folks. He means business. Both in the Super Bowl, and in the parade. These bigger dudes can certainly handle their alcohol, though, so it must be veryyy interesting trying to outdrink some of these gigantic NFL players. Combining their size with the euphoric feeling of winning a ring, and things could get dangerous quickly.