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Scientists Say That Wooly Mammoths Went Extinct Because They Became A Bunch Of Infertile Inbreds That Could No Longer Smell For Food

Daily Mail- The last woolly mammoths on earth were so inbred that they had no sense of smell and were infertile, a landmark study has found. Scientists found genetic mutations, that may also have caused diabetes and neurological problems, in DNA samples from the tooth of a mammoth that lived on Wrangel Island, 87 miles off Russia's north coast, about 4,300 years ago.

The mutations are thought to provide evidence of the health of many woolly mammoths on the island, which had suffered decades of inbreeding due to their isolation. Mammoths once enjoyed a widespread range across the world but, as climate warmed 10,000 years ago, they were forced back to several pockets including this lonely island and St Paul island in the Bering Sea. The study on the mammoth population, which disappeared around 4,000 years ago, was led by scientist Vincent Lynch from Buffalo University, New York, and published in the journal of Genome Biology and Evolution.

The sperm production-related mutations may have reduced fertility in an already shrinking population. The olfactory mutations may have harmed the ability to forage and to even smell the flowers that made up an important part of their diet.

Look, I am a huge science guy. Out of all the subjects in school, science was clearly my 2nd favorite. I am also a huge Buffalo guy since the residents of that city are salt of the Earth people that give us months of entertainment by putting themselves through tables in various states of fire. But doesn't this study seem like its piling on an already extinct animal that cannot defend itself from since heinous accusations?

I want to remember wooly mammoths as the fabled beasts that could take down an entire pack of sabertooth tigers if push came to shove and the only reason the mammoth met its end was because it went against the amazing big brained creature known as man and came out with an L, but not before putting up a last stand on par with the Spartans from 300 (See below for how I picture this happening).

But this study robbed those creatures of all that after Mother Nature wiped them off the Earth. How am I supposed to explain to my children why Snuffalufagus acts the way he does on Sesame Street? I was much more comfortable telling them that he got burnt out on hard drugs during the 70s and has to sleep on Big Bird's couch because of the bad choices he made back then. Instead, I have to tell my 5 and 2 year old that Snuffy is essentially a nosedeaf unshaven elephant that shoots blanks and has The Beetus because his parents were miscreants that acted like the Lannisters minus the gold (this also explains Cersei’s obsession with elephants). If that isn't a reason to consider homeschooling, I don't know what is.

Bonus Big Four School Subject Power Rankings:

1. History: Easily the best subject in school since it was pretty much a daily version of story time where the U.S. almost always won. Some of the early Mesopotamia shit could drag as well as the Elizabethian Era mumbo jumbo. But give me modern day history over every other subject on the curriculum, namely everything from World War I-on.

2. Science: A clear second because experiments with explosions and/or fire were always a possibility. However some of the more boring rock shit from Earth Science and the complex chemistry stuff that stuffy teachers like Walter White would put kids to sleep teaching knock it below history.

3. English: It may not surprise you, but a Barstool blogger didn't really love English class. I didn't hate it by any means but I also clearly didn't need it based on the profession/company I ended up choosing in life. I will admit that I loved reading books like "Of Mice And Men". But I still can't believe how long and arduous "The Old Man And The Sea" was. I guess I learned the word arduous from English class, so it wasn't all that bad.

4. Math: 1+1 = Fuck Math.