Zillion Beers Recap UPDATE + Saint Paddy's Day Merch & Coozies are Live + Dave Has To Pay Me 100k If We Sell 1 Million Dollars Worth Of Merch By Next Sunday

UPDATED WITH NEW MERCH

Cannot argue this Kevin. Although I’m 27 and should probably grow up.

Portnoy peeing down his leg right now when he realizes I’m bankrupting him and he probably has to sell his Nantucket house. (But actually buy some pizza shirts)

Mullet time for big stoolie and Patriots Center David Andrews. If TB12 throws on a Zill shirt the internet may explode.

It’s true. Again I’m sorry mama. Fun fact I actually have a permanent dent in my left ass cheek from the time I fell down the subway steps. Could plop a tattoo right on there. Boom.

I’ll pay someone 15k of my 100k to give me racing stripes. God knows I need some fucking help.

The movement expands. Hey Frankie lets get some shirts on the Islanders eh?

Shower Cigs stop for no man, no woman, no child.

#ThanksDave

END OF UPDATE

Alright I’m a tiny bit hungover. Both my brain and heart feel like they’re about to explode. My nonexistent girlfriend, my liver, and my doctor all just pulled me aside from the dinner table and asked to talk in the kitchen for a sec.  But you gotta do what you gotta do to sling merch.

THERES SO MUCH SHIT. ITS AWESOME.

Here’s a recap of my last two days.

It all started when Dave basically said I needed to shut my trap on social media. Sure, I went a little crazy drinking beers on video, but I knew we had some type of potential with this brand.

Uhhh sorry that I’m electric dude. Can’t help that I’m a double threat when it comes to editing videos and yugging beers. Dave then called me on radio and challenged me to sling merch. I’ll be totally transparent, I’ve never dealt with merch before and got cornered and absolutely panicked when he asked if I could sell 30k. But look at us now.

And off we go.

Shoutout Chrissy Teigen and Hells Bells. OG Stoolies know.

Barstool Sports Ranked:

1. Barstool Carl

2. Me

OG Stoolie Mike Stud in the mix with Travis Kelce (Go Pats though).

Hope ur stomach feels better Caleb. Love you.

Anything for Thicc Cat.

The beginning of the end of the Dave Portnoy empire. I could have finished that whole thing honestly but I needed a little shower to wake me up.

The best part is, I am still a fucking weapon at editing videos. Find me one person who said you cant edit videos and drink a zillion beers. You cant do it.

We love Hooters here at Barstool and they love us back. Peak of my life is Hooters buying 300 bones worth of merch. Love you guys.

The beers are starting to hit. But that never stopped me in the past.

Ole Daneskis is setting records with how quickly this merch is flying off the shelves. Shoutout Hingham Softball. We’ll get you some fire jerseys dont you worry.

Cigs inside and trashing All Business Pete. Something everybody can get down with.

Got into my shanties and my panties and took a little sleepy poo, had to reload the brain for another big day. Room just reeks of cigs at this point. Again I’m sorry to my family but at the end of the day you gotta do what you gotta do.

Buckets. Dave had no clue what was in store. He had no idea he was about to be murdered in plain sight.

Kayce forgot to mention that I’m 6’4, a family man, and fucking love getting shitfaced.

Speaking of which, ladies dont be afraid to slide in. Again I’m 6’4.

Yeah not great audio on this one. Never said I was perfect. Some would say the Barstool difference. I say party cigs in the shower.

Whoops did I put that extremely impressive tweet there. My bad.

Shoutout Speshy Nick. It’s true. This is my dream. I just get to murder Dave Portnoy in the process.

GET EM BOYS!!!!

Hair couldn’t look better. Man rocket on top of man rocket on top of several hundred flabby pounds of man rocket.

Even my best pal Marty is getting involved and dialing in. Even though he’s a puss pants and doesn’t drink beers and you could drive a fucking truck on his forehead. Love you pal.

You can see the shampoo effect starting to take place. Buzzed like you read about. Irrational confidence like you read about.

Idk

You know it’s picking up steam when Johnny chimes in. I fucking love Aruba man. Maybe I’ll book a ticket there with all my newfound money. Thanks Dave.

I think I made a haircut deal with myself? Regardless gonna get a mullet today. Stay tuned. Shoutout David Andrews.

It actually turns out you go a little stir crazy once you lock yourself in your room with 30 beers and a laptop. Still fun as fuck though.

I’ve never even sworn in front of my mother. I can’t imagine she’s happy about this whole scenario. But mama I’m gonna buy us some nice expensive bottles of wine once I come back to the South Shore. Love you.

First push-up I’ve done since high school. Form: 3/10. Deleting beers ability: 10/10.

I wasn’t in a frat in college but I imagine they’ve never done some crazy shit like this. It’s truly next level.

Okay this was cute as hell. But you don’t come at the king. I will chug a beer right in your grill mix, Chaps’ daughter.

I mean. I am a generational content factory. You just don’t see shit like this nowadays.

Whoopsies.

“Light work” as the kids say. Didn’t go to the strip club. Davey never answered, was probably too busy at the oil driller factory.

Okay I’ll admit there was zero beer poured into my mouth on this one.

LETS GET TO WORK!!!!

But seriously thank you so much to everyone who’s supported this and bought merch. It’s all kind of surreal but I’m having the time of my life. I love you all and keep buying so I can get even richer and I’ll find away to pay it forward by drinking a zillion more beers.

Love,

Dana B