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A List Of Fun Things To Do In New York City If You're Gay And Single This Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day can be tough. For a lot of us, it's the one day of the year where love is not love. It's a reminder that despite having drunkenly swiped right on thousands of potential partners, you're still single. You log onto Instagram and see the posts, every ad has something to do with chocolate or flowers, it's an 'in your face holiday' that leaves the perpetually single feeling lonely and insecure. SO, I decided to create a list of things to do in New York City if you're gay and single this Valentine's Day. Here they are...

Become A Plant Dad

It's a fun/trendy way to let people know that you're adult enough to keep something alive, but young enough to not have any real responsibilities. The best way to do this is by posting a thirst trap surrounded by your plants.  

It doesn't matter what the actual plants look like as long as you look hot. If you want you can make a joke about having too many or not knowing where they came from even though you bought them. Try to toe the line between adulthood and youth as much as possible. Best case scenario someone slides into your DM's. Worst case scenario your apartment gets some fresh air...

Post about Dua Lipa, But Still Respect Kim Petras

Dua's 'in' right now, but Kim is still the queen. Remember, being up on young, petite, pop stars is necessary if you want to be accepted into the scene. So post this to your IG story...

...followed by this...

Split the difference between the two of them, then when the internet starts to favor one delete the other. 

Complain About The Gays In Another Neighborhood 

If you live in the West Village, complain about about Hell's Kitchen. If you live in Tribeca, complain about Hell's Kitchen. If you live anywhere at all, complain about Hell's Kitchen. Even though they have a ton of reasonably priced bars and restaurants all within walking distance of each other...shit on them. The cool place to be is the West Village. Some of the more artsy gays are doing Chinatown/Little Italy now, but not really. If you need something non-love related to talk about tonight, just say Hell's Kitchen sucks and you should be good...

Go To A "Game Night"

I put game night in quotations because that's not what it is. Board games suck. It's an excuse to post an IG doing an 'adult activity' while hanging out at your friend's place with the nicest apartment. The people who host will be a little bit older and everyone will dress up (wear all black) even though it's casual. If you stay late enough there's a good chance the couple hosting will fuck you because they're open. If not, you'll have another chance to get laid at the circuit party you go to after. 

Do Self Care

You know what's worse than a pregnancy scare? An HIV scare. Unlike pregnancy, the problem doesn't disappear after eighteen years - it's sticks with you. Go out. Get tested. Be safe. "Pat did you just incorporate an HIV PSA in your Valentine's Day blog? That seems kind of serious" Great question and yes, I did and yes, it is. Since you're not using your piece on Valentine's Day, you may as well make sure it's in tip top shape for the next time you do. Moving on...

Go To The Gym

Summer bodies are made in the winter and if you want to finally find happiness through physical perfection you need to start now. Plus, the gym won't be that crowded on a Friday night. If you need motivation/to feel bad about yourself, just look at the totally normal and completely attainable bodies on the @outinthefip Instagram. 

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And lastly…if you need something to do on Valentine's Day in the city, you can do nothing at all. Sit in your apartment, order yourself some take out and enjoy the night. Love yourself (masturbate) and wake up feeling refreshed and ready to conquer the world! Have a great weekend, friends!