The American Boys Beat Up The Slovaks Like They Were Supposed To, Now Bring On The Goddamn Russians!


Like an older brother toying with his younger sibling, the Americans let the Slovaks hang around for just over a period in their opening Olympic tilt before bringing down the hammer and smashing any delusions of grandeur into pieces. After Tomas Tatar tied things up on an uncalled offsides goal early in the second, the equivalent of the younger brother getting in a quick jab that bloodies the older brother’s lip, the U, S, and A scored six goals in under 14 minutes to show that they, too, have some pretty good firepower up front in beating Slovakia 7-1.

John Carlson’s laser off a sweet Phil Kessel backhand feed made it 1-0 almost 15 minutes in to open the scoring. 24 seconds into the second, Tatar’s tally gave the brief impression we were going to see a more competitive affair. But consecutive goals from Ryan Kesler, Paul Stastny, David Backes, Stastny again, Phil Kessel, and Dustin Brown effectively polished off the Slovaks and made the third period an event-free formality. Jon Quick did his job, giving up just one goal on 23 shots. Kessel led the way offensively with a goal and two helpers.

This is a game the boys should have won and they did so handily. Next up, the highly-anticipated match-up against Russia at 7:30 Saturday morning. Be sure to come by STATS on Dot St. in Southie for the Barstool viewing party, see if you can get laid by noon (Friday’s conquest doesn’t count).

In other action, the Russians got two third period goals to pull away from Slovenia to win 5-2 and Finland doubled up Austria, 8-4. Tuukka Rask gave up four goals on 20 shots in the win.

NBCSN flashed this graphic that was a bummer to see:


No Massholes on the Men’s team! This was a team that practically invented the hockey Masshole with the likes of Keith Tkachuk, Billy Guerin, and Tony Amonte busting balls and cracking wise. It was brought up on Twitter that John Carlson was born in Natick. But by all accounts, he left there early and Nate says he’s Joisey through and through. It also says ‘Home States’ not where they’re from/born. Brooks Orpik was born in SF but is an up-state NY guy. Paul Stastny was born in Quebec, where his dad and uncles just tore shit up, but made his bones in St. Louis. Bottom line, the team is Masshole-free and it’s too bad nobody can carry the mouthy, sarcastic mantle this year.

For good Team USA news and blogs, The United States of Hockey is a great, patriotic site. @chrismpeters runs the site and always has good updates so follow him for your Team USA needs.