Ah, yes. The annual, "bring the elementary students to cheer on the Jaguars since IUPUI students could give 2 shits about these games". "Readers Are Leaders Day" is a yearly tactic IUPUI creates to get fans to pack the house since nobody, and I mean NOBODY has the desire to support the Jags. Who the hell schedules a game at 11am on a Thursday?? I guarantee you that if you were to hand out free tickets to this game, every student would say, "Nah, I got class. Go Jags".
There are a few reasons why fan attendance is so low:
1. The Location. Farmers Coliseum (this stadium) is a 15-minute drive from campus. IUPUI is a commuter school. Nobody wants to drive another mile after classes end! People want to get drunk and hit the bars after we lose, not wait for an Uber to get back downtown.
2. IUPUI has a gym on campus called, "The Jungle" but the school refuses to host games there because they're afraid the games will be too crowded. According to the NCAA, the average fan attendance for the Coliseum in 2019 was 1,345. The Jungle has 1,215 seats. Knowing how disappointing the school spirit is, I don't think there will ever be a game that sells out unless Kentucky plays us.
3. The team stinks! We're 6-19, we haven't had a winning season since 2010, and the only good players this school has produced are me and George Hill! Hell, our intramural basketball games get more fans than our men's team!
Anyways, back to the main point. There are 6 miserable adults in this picture, you just have to look closely. It's like a Where's Waldo IUPUI edition. Take a look at this picture and try to find them all before going through the answers.
Times up! Let's see if you found them all.
1. My guy is trying his hardest to activate telekinesis to pull your ass over to him and take his seat for the day. I've never seen someone act so relaxed, but also have the expression of "HELP ME!" all over his face.
2. This guy definitely had money on IUPUI. Or maybe he's just stalking a cheerleader. Maybe it's me but I don't think this guy should be allowed 5 feet away from those kids. The Jaguars do need all the support they can get though.
3. This is the most emotional fan in the stands. You can see it all through this screenshot. Frustration, confusion, and disappointment. He looks like he's about to smack the shit out of one of these kids if they toss another pom pom in the air.
4. These guys definitely thought skipping MATH-15300 for this game would more entertaining . These dudes are now 1-day behind on homework and down 5% on their attendance grade.
5. Speaking of math, this Thanos looking dude is creating a hypothesis in his head. "Ok, down 19 in the first half. If we lock up that one guy and draw some fouls, then we can rally back late in the 2nd half because we are the better team". I like this guy. Doesn't seem like the children's screaming can faze him or his eardrums out.
6. On the other hand, these children have grandpas' ears bleeding! I feel like the 3 kids directly below him are causing 90% of the pain. This poor man is probably here to support his grandson and can't even enjoy the game in peace. Just when I thought racing was the only event you should wear earplugs to, Readers Are Leaders Day brings the competition.
7. THERE'S WALDO! We found him! He may not be wearing his red and white stripped outfit, but those glasses and that face weren't camouflaged enough for me to spot him. Not to mention he looks like he's gotten up there in age.
I wish this story had a happy ending, but the Jags lost to Green Bay 91-85. Since George Hill left in 2008, we've never been much of a basketball school. We've always been intramural flag football school. No matter what pain we go through, it's always a great day to be a Jaguar. Go Jags baby, and thanks for playing Where's Waldo.