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I Think I Officially Became Jared Lorenzen's Publicist Last Night And A CIFL Reporter

As I mentioned last night, Jared Lorenzen still plays football and looks great.


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Well I was fortunate enough to get a live stream of the game and it was truly must-see TV. As entertaining as anything I’ve ever seen. I’m talking I may start boycotting the NFL because it pales in comparison. I’m a CIFL guy now, through and through. Some highlights…


Lorenzen is still nimble as all hell and can still chuck the rock




Since it was a live stream I couldn’t rewind, you’ll have to take my word on some stuff but I swear it’s true


   The center on the Warhorses wore either the biggest t-shirt in the world or a bed sheet under his jersey Screen Shot 2014-02-03 at 10.34.00 PM


The “field” is at Alltech Arena. Which is a horse track. The field is just a green rug on top of a horse track.

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They also use medical tape to line the field/rug Screen Shot 2014-02-03 at 10.41.34 PM


More Lorenzen highlight reel footage…



It did get a little depressing when I realized how much more athletic a fat man is than me



I bet the CIFL cheerleaders can fuck the players, XFL style.



Also, the commentators were hilarious. They had legitimate passions for the game and the team. Also a seemingly legitimate disdain for Lorenzen.



So there it is. That was my Monday night. Who would have thought that I’d be too fat to watch the Super Bowl but somehow I’d still see the most entertaining football game of the week? Not I, that’s for sure. But that’s exactly what happened. I’m not one to pat myself on the back, but I kind of feel like I deserve a Pullizter for last night. Just re-defined the Twitter reporting on a live stream of a Kentucky arena league football game.