NSFWish: Soccer Fan Pulls His Dick Out And Spins It Like Helicopter In The Greatest Goal Celebration of All Time

This isn't a link I can embed on the site. You're gonna have to click to go to twitter to see it but then come back to the blog. Promise me. Before I hyperlink to the tweet, you gotta promise me to come back and read my thoughts on this dick spinning celebration. Say it. 

"I promise, Chaps," says you, the reader. "I'll come back to read your thoughts about this dick spinning celebration." 

Ok. This is about trust. Here you go. 

Unreal, right? That why I fucking love soccer hooligans. Soccer fans are on a completely different level than anything we have in America. They will burn their stadium to the fucking ground without thinking twice. They will light flares and shoot them shits high in the sky with little to no regard for human safety. It's unreal. The celebrations that take place after a huge goal cannot be rivaled in American sports. 

I was in the stands when the Cubs were in the NLCS the year they won the world series. Not the 1907 World Series. I wasn't there for that. I'm talking about 2016 one. One of the games, if I remember correctly, was won by a late home run. The bleachers fucking exploded. People sent their beers in the air and everyone was hugging each other. It was incredible. 

I was in Jacksonville when Jalen Ramsey had a late playoff interception which secured the first playoff win in over a decade. It was a madhouse. I was at the game in 1994 when FSU came back from being down 31-3 to tie the game against the rival Gators. The Doak went nuts. I went nuts without reaching for my own. 

In all those great moments, I have never seen anyone even think about taking their dick out and spinning it around like a helicopter while they were on the 5th row. It's preposterous. It's reckless. It's criminal? Not sure. Laws in England might be different so I don't wanna assume. 

I can tell you, however, that there is no purer show of joy than this action. This is unbridled joy. It's boyhood enthusiasm that my friends and longtime stoolies Pockets, Curly, Nibs, and Tootles, better known as Peter Pan's Lost Boys, could only dream about while they are thinking their happiest of thoughts in order to fly. 

It's just a shame, a real fucking shame, that we've become so soft as a society that we cant watch a joyous man spin his soft cock like a rotary blade in a stadium filled with other fans because his team just scored the goal of the match and maybe his life. Have we forgotten what real happiness is? Have we forgotten real fandom? One magpie in New Castle hasnt, and for that, on this day of February 5th in the year of our Lord two thousand and twenty, I am thrilled. 

Give it a spin, fellas. We've earned.