Steve Cohen Reportedly Had Planned On Throwing A Gala On Opening Day To Announce He Was Going To Become Majority Owner Of The Mets

Live look at me:

So on yesterday's We Gotta Believe, we pretty much broke the story that Steve Cohen's deal with the Wilpons was either dead or on life support. 

We reported it on the pod based on multiple sources, which is a fucking trip to write because I am not a baseball reporter or even anything close to a reporter. When people ask what I do, I tell them I am a professional idiot for Barstool. But our sources apparently weren't bullshitting us as we took a whole bunch of Big J's to #ScoopCity.


Hmmm, maybe we should change We Gotta Believe to The Clem Report. I like the sound of that.

Anyway, in case having my baseball soul sentenced back to eternal damnation wasn't bad enough, we learn that Uncle Stevie was going to throw himself a gala to celebrate becoming the owner of the Mets. Think about that for a second. The Mets went from being owned by two broke bois that reportedly pocket insurance money from the players instead of reinvesting it in the team to having a guy that was going to throw a GALA for himself. Do you know the kind of awesome shit they have at a gala? Well I don't, but that's only because I'm poor. But when I hear the word gala, I think fancy shmancy things like champagne and celebrities and crazy expensive shit like this at the Met Gala.

Fuck, Uncle Stevie was definitely going to call it the Mets Gala, huh? And it would have been everything the Wilpons weren't. Extravagant. Cool. Fun. With invitations that free a butterfly when you open them like in Bridesmaids.  

I bet Straight Cash Cohen even planned on signing whoever the best free agent that were somehow still available on Opening Day because baseball is weird now just to give us Mets fans a taste of what life is like now that we went from the outhouse to the penthouse.

Instead, it sounds like he is out and life sucks again. Cuncel everything.