BIGGEST STORY OF THE WEEK: Dunkaroos Are Officially Coming Back This Summer
Sorry Chiefs fans. I know many of you have waited your whole lives for your team to win its first Super Bowl. But Dunkaroos announcing they are OFFICIALLY pulling off the greatest comeback this side of Jon Snow and taking their spot in Tier 1 lunch snacks trumps any silly Super Bowl drought that lasted half a century. I have confirmed and reconfirmed that verified blue checkmark roughly as well as the phrase "Definitely Coming Back" 100 times since I'm pretty sure it is against Internet Law to say something is definitely coming back then flake out. So congratulations everyone, we now have something to live for now that the NFL season is over.
I know that Dunkaroos could be purchased through places like Canada on Amazon (shout out Office Manager Brett for doing that back in the day in the early years of the Barstool HQ snack bar). But I want legitimate American product injected directly into my veins without any words like "Favourite" on the packaging.
Not only am I excited for old fucks like me to that get a nice dose of nostalgia along with 100 CCs of frosting uncut to the gut, but I am thrilled that an entire new generation of children will get to experience the freedom and lessons that come with rationing as much/little frosting on your cookies as you want. Do you budget an equal amount of frosting per cookie on some communism shit? Embrace a fellow legend of the snack game by making an Oreo-esque sandwich? Go HAM and throw all your frosting on your first or last cookie then go dry the rest of the way? Or do you go light on the frosting with the cookies and then go Full Savage Mode by using your finger to lap up the leftover frosting? The best part is there is no wrong answer! I can't wait to see how that deprived lunatic Chief handles the ol' Dunkaroos frosting riddle.
And while I would never tell another group of people how to do their job, I did graduate from Siena College with a marketing degree (that I am clearly putting to great use) and I will say I hope they bring back the Dunkaroos Kangaroo because this crazy fuck had me fieeeeending for frosting during my Saturday morning cartoons like he was an Australian Stringer Bell.
h/t Brian D