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Spotify Teamed Up With Scientists To Create The "Ultimate" Workout Playlist And It Is Complete Dogshit

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TIME — Scientists have joined forces with Spotify to create the ultimate workout playlist. The result? A whole lot of very recent pop music. After analyzing 6.7 million compilations, the music-streaming service worked with sports scientists at Brunel University to pick popular songs based on lyrics, style and tempo. The 20 tracks were placed in a specific order, creating a strategic musical flow: fitness buffs can warm up to Katy Perry’s cheery Roar, dance to the weird country-EDM hybrid that is Pitbull and Ke$ha’s Timber during the high intensity portion, strength train alongside Eminem and Rihanna’s weird tension on The Monster, and finally, cool down with the chilly trip-hop beats of Lorde’s Royals.



So as we all know, I’m currently competing against BigCat in a Weight Loss Challenge. Therefore, I’ve been going to the gym. And, honestly, I’d been looking for some good workout music so I was pretty ecstatic to see TIME tweet “The scientifically proven best possible workout playlist.” Well, that excitement was short-lived. This playlist is DOGSHIT. It’s basically American Top 40, and without the velvet vocal cords of Casey Kasem between tracks AT40 can go fuck itself. The scientifically “best” playlist possible is the 20 most overplayed songs in America. How that inspires you to workout, I do not know.


Anyway, here’s what I’ve come up with so far. I really have no favorite genre of music so my shit bounces all over the place. Deal with it…


The Game – Red Nation (this is the song that “The Shooter” listened to in the chopper on the way to kill Bin Laden. I swear to God, I could run through a fucking wall without breaking stride whenever I hear it now)

Ingrosso & Alesso – Calling

BIG And Eminem – Dead Wrong

Jimmy Eat World – Sweetness

Smashing Pumpkins – Cherub Rock

Sugar Hill Gang – Apache

Blink 182 – Feeling This

One Direction – Midnight Memories

50 Cent – Blood Hound

Avicii – Wake Me Up

Eminem – The Way I Am

Fall Out Boy – Sugar We’re Going Down

Tech Nine – I’m A Playa

Taylor Swift – 22

Skrillex – Bangarang

Kanye – Blood On The Leaves

Ke$ha – Timber

Cartel – The Fortunate

Mumford and Sons – The Cave

Jay Z – Public Service Announcement

Backstreet Boys – The Call

DMX – Ruff Ryderz Anthem

Moby – Flower

Lil Wayne ft Eminem – Drop the World

Eve 6 – Inside Out