BREAKING NEWS: JJ Watt Has Diarrhea

It's rare when the entire internet drops their social, political and religious beliefs and rallies around a particular cause or topic.  

EXAMPLE: Jussie Smollett's fake attack one year ago comes to mind. For one topic and one topic only, people as polarizing as Donald Trump Jr. and Rahm Emmanuel were on the same page:

It was truly beautiful in such a volatile political climate.  Brought a goddamn tear to my eye.

But guess what?  Today marks another landmark event where people of all walks of life can drop their slants and empathize for a particular situation as well.  That situation?  JJ Watt lighting his asshole on fire because he consumed hot wings last night:

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Unless you're a vegan PETA weirdo, we've all been there.  It's Thursday night, you successfully hosted SNL and you decide to indulge in a few hot wings and cheap domestic beer.  You just popped $20 into the Touch Tunes and have the entire bar going wild as Freddie slowly inches closer to the final verse in Bohemian Rhapsody.  You even consider pulling out your air guitar and miming Brian May's solo.  For that very moment, you're in heaven...  even though you know the carriage is going to turn back into a pumpkin eventually, culminating with your toilet looking like a murder scene the next morning.  

I've seen it a million times.   

But what's important is this: we as a society have another golden opportunity to push aside our beliefs on EVERYTHING and rally together by sending Ts, Ps and TPs to JJ while he suffers through these difficult times.  If DTJ and Rahm Emmanuel can push aside egos and beliefs to come together around fake hate crimes, we as a people can do the same for JJ Watt's asshole.