Kenjac: If 'The Notebook' took place entirely in Tallahassee, this is what it would look like. "I can't quit you!", Noah yelled at his gas station boner pills. The microwave dinged, his taquitos were ready.
KB: The way she gently and perfectly caressed him with her arms shows me that even a crippling and numbing concoction of extremely hard drugs can't overpower the effects of unconditional love.
Kenjac: Rone is shaking in his beat up Converse All-Stars right now. Maybe he would be willing to stop by the office and teach some of my other coworkers how to make a successful diss track.
KB: I didn't hate this. At least Bone Thugs N Heroin rapped coherently and successfully rhymed a few words. It's like when an AP Literature teacher at a West Virginia high school tells their top student that it "can be anything it wants to be if it puts its mind to it."
Kenjac: Apropos of nothing, I appreciate this guys @. In order, your thoughts upon seeing him are obviously "Is he taken?" YUP. "Is he a yankee?" NOPE! "Is a simp?" NOPE! "When was he born?" 1991! All points covered.
KB: This is the face and demeanor of a confident man who doesn't need to lip sync "perfectly" or "at the level of an infant child watching Baby Shark for the second time" or "at all" to appease his audience. He did one take, didn't even review the finished product, and just tossed it up there because, well, he's getting pussy from this regardless.
Kenjac: Pee Wee Herman and Kellen Winslow Jr. could NEVER! Edit I liked KB's description so I'm adding a meme to it.
KB: This is the most tame sex-based confession I could possibly imagine from a middle-aged man who actively uses TikTok. Also, I'd like to imagine the "off the side of the building" nut bust was cinematically bittersweet. Like a prehumous mass suicide jump from a group of sperms that were all like, "yeah I'm not about to be raised by that man."
Kenjac: My girl is staying home tonight. Can't have her out and about while J.K. Slimmons is out here posting fleshy thirst traps.
KB: Looks like a claymation video of Jeff Bezos trying to seduce his newest prototype sex robot slave.
Kenjac: Kind of bullshit that TikTok allowed this but deleted my video where I said "Sometimes, a Long Island just wants back door flooded out by a Sandy".
KB: "Do you have a granddaughter?" - Hurricane Harvey Weinstein
Kenjac: I left this one here just for KB.
KB: Ok whatever. This is a hotter/modern version of 19-year-old vine star me, if I didn't take my anti anxiety meds or drink 11 Twisted Teas that night.