Go off, King!

I recently started watching a new series on HBO called “The Outsider” which is based on Stephen King's best-selling novel of the same name.

I am not a big Stephen King fan so I am not sure why I chose to start this particular series, especially since it is only 5 episodes in, and there are several other shows with full seasons at my binge-hungry fingertips.

Perhaps I just like Jason Bateman (one of The Outsider’s main characters), or perhaps I am a masochist who doesn’t mind waiting another week for my next serial fix.  

Either way, I am 5 episodes into a 10 episode season and I am kinda enjoying myself. 

I say “kinda” only because there are a few nuances within the plot that I have either missed during one of my many bathroom breaks or it’s just stuff that simply went over my head.  

So with a handful of plot-related questions in mind, I did what any reasonable old white male would do.  I Googled “Stephen King’s The Outsider” to see if I could fill in some of my mental blanks. 

In other words, I felt like I had already taken care of my chickens, so now I was consulting the internet to help me with my mentals.  

Whilst perusing the dozen or so search results about King’s new series, I just happened to come across this other gem from some rag called the Washington Post, and I was compelled to give it a read...

I’ll sum it up (in my own words) for those of you too lazy to thumb through it - 

An old white rich male (Stephen King) thinks the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences rigs its annual Oscar results in favor of white people.  The reason King (that older white rich male I mentioned one sentence ago) thinks this happens is because the people judging the award are predominantly old, white, rich, and male... Therefore they could not possibly understand the cultural as well as artistic merit of movies like “Harriet” because the judges’ oldness, whiteness, richness, and maleness just get in the way. 


Now a lot of people will say (under their breath, of course) what King is saying about inadvertently racist Oscar voters is a racist statement in itself... More specifically, the color of a man's skin or the quality of his life makes him either unwilling or unable to appreciate or intellectually grasp the true gist of movies made by someone of a different race.

I'll agree partially with the detractors here because (SPOILER ALERT) I am not black... And yet I fully understand the story of Harriet Tubman without ever seeing the movie Harriet.  And the fact that she was the first woman to engineer a subterranean train system in a time where over-the-ground railroad cars were being ruined by the elements was a watershed invention in itself.  

The movie, I assume, is just icing on the cake.

Others will say (after looking over either of their shoulders to make sure no one is coming) that King’s remarks are hypocritical since HE is a member of the same age, class, color, and sex of the judges he is condemning AND King has gladly received various other awards in the past from organizations whose judges, candidates, and winners collectively contain the same amount of black people as The Beatles.  

Still, others would try to find some connection between the fact Stephen has been writing stories that have been adapted into Hollywood screenplays for over 50 years and yet has NEVER received an Academy Award to the fact that he is shitting all over an award he has never received...This implies that not only do the white old rich male (or WORM) judges shun movies like Harriet, they also have turned up their WORM noses up at every single cinematic thing their fellow WORM, Stephen King, has penned in the past.


Now that I have mentioned some of the problems that OTHERS may potentially have with Stevie's comments, I would like to share with you MY gripe- I don't think Stephen went far enough with this statement.

I think his comments about the inherent white privilege embedded within the Oscar process is not sufficiently granular enough in describing the true evil at the root of the Academy's bias.

It's not white people in general.

It's the fucking Italians... I'll explain.

First of all, Best Picture nominee Ford vs Ferrari has the most iconic Italian carmaker in its fucking title.  

Secondly, we all know that Italian women, although beautiful and intelligent, are not known for their height... You think then that the fact Little Women is also up for Best Picture is a total coincidence?  

And who doesn't have a Roman friend who is constantly borrowing things off of them?... You know... Kinda like a...

Also... Scorcese, Dicaprio, Tarantino, and countless others who are either up for awards OR are behind the scenes choosing the winners are all descendants from that wonderful boot.

And here's the biggest slap in the face... Best Picture nominee The Irishman has not a single Irish actor involved.  DeNiro, Pacino, Pesci, Romano are all equally saddled with vowels at the end of their names and thick hair across their backs.


Now, some know-it-all (like Jeff D. Lowe) may say, " But Large, Robert DeNiro is of Italian and Irish descent on his father's side, while his mother had Dutch, English, French, and German ancestry."

And to that, I would reply, "Shut the fuck up, Jeff... This is my blog."

But back to my point... Before we start to condemn a desperate-to-be-'woke' Stephen King for what may appear to be assinine Oscar-related comments, let us all just take a step back and consider that the old Master of Horror may have inadvertently just conjured up a more despicable creature than you could ever find within the pages of his non-Oscar winning books.


Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to cancel HBO's The Outsider off of my DVR... The more I think about it, the more I realize it's just not suited for a guy like me.

Take a report.


As always, I have a new ExtraLarge dropping Friday on BarstoolGOLD

And I thought this seemed apropos…