Chick Slits Her Husband's Throat, Says She Was Sleep Walking And Dreaming Of Filleting Fish At The Time

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Ohio – An Ohio woman is behind bars after slitting her husband’s throat while he lay in bed asleep. According to the Jefferson County Sheriff, Judy Jones knew exactly what she was doing when she tried to kill her husband in their Dillonvale home over the weekend. “She made threats that she was going to kill him,”  Sheriff Fred Abdalla said. “And she almost did early Saturday morning. So she’s been charged now with the prosecutor handling the case got her charged with felony 1s and 2 for attempted murder and aggravated assault.” Jones’ 16-year-old daughter – who may have saved her dad’s life by calling 911 – also told investigators that her mother had talked about killing her dad before and planned this attack for nearly a year. Jones, however, has a novel take on the whole thing. She initially claimed there was no malice involved at all. Instead, she told investigators she was simply dreaming about filleting a fish when she ‘accidentally’ grabbed a knife and used it to slash open her husband’s neck. The judge apparently didn’t buy the fish tale in court on Monday,though, and promptly ordered the would-be murderer to be held on $500,000 bail. Jones has since abandoned her fantastic tale and has decided to simply fess up to her crime. Jane Hanlin, a Jefferson County prosecutor said she thinks Jones may have tossed the dream scenario when she realized how ridiculous it truly sounded. “This is certainly one of the stranger that we have heard and I think that is why she may have backed away from it a little bit after that,” Hanlin said, adding that despite Jones’ dream story, it is looking like a case of domestic assault. Meanwhile, the victim, Thomas Jones, lucky to be alive at all,  is now recovering from his serious injuries. “He’s got stitches from almost (ear to ear) so we just have to wait for it to go through the court system,” Abdalla said, pointing out Jones has been known to be violent to her husband before.

The old “I was just dreaming about filleting fish” excuse. Classic. Luckily for the husband she wasn’t thinking about chopping up a cucumber or some shit like that. I mean I guess not really so lucky seeing as how he almost died but getting John Wayne Bobbit’d isn’t an ideal situation either.

I’m a BIG TIME sleep walker and sleep talker. So I, for one, am a big advocate of the old “I was sleep walking” excuse. Not that I want to see this ginger troll walk free after almost chopping her husbands head off but I would like to see a nice precedent set for this being a solid excuse. You never know whats gonna come out of your mouth or what you’re gonna do when you’re half asleep. What if you’re having some weird dream about banging your cousin or your parents having sex or something like that? Don’t act like you havent had those dreams before. You have. Except you just wake up in the morning and say  “Man that was fuckin weird” and you keep it to yourself. People like me and Judy Jones over here don’t have that luxury. We don’t have control of ourselves at night. I might talk about the dream I’m having where I’m having sex with my aunt and Judy Jones might slice you ear to ear because she was dreaming about filleting a fish. Its a real life problem and I just hope she gets a fair trial.

PS – Would not.