Live EventLIVE from the Gambling Cave for Week 3 NFL SundayWatch Now
Merchapolooza | 10% Off The Barstool Store When You Use Your Favorite Personality's CodeSHOP NOW

Dude Robs Bank Where His Girlfriend Works To Get Enough Money For An Engagement Ring

Screen Shot 2014-07-17 at 11.11.13 AM

ABCSeparated by hundreds of miles between his Detroit-area home and that of his Illinois girlfriend, Ramsey Fakhouri figured he would make the long-distance romance work by getting his sweetheart an engagement ring. His choice in how to finance the bling wasn’t such a good idea. On Friday, 22-year-old Fakhouri was sentenced in Illinois’ East St. Louis to six and a half years in federal prison for his role in the gunpoint holdup last Valentine’s Day of a female worker restocking an automated teller machine outside the bank where his girlfriend was working. Federal prosecutors say Fakhouri, of the Detroit suburb of Troy, shared with 18-year-old accomplice Alexander Gerth the $26,000 stolen during the heist. Fakhouri’s girlfriend watched the robbery unfold in horror, never knowing her beau – the one who hours later comforted her about what she saw – had such a hand in it. So went the romance that authorities say in court documents began a couple of years ago when Fakhouri met the girlfriend at a Bible college. By early this year, Fakhouri was ready to ask her to be his wife but lacked a way to pay for an engagement ring. Stealing the money became an option. Before last Feb. 14, while talking with his girlfriend by telephone, Fakhouri put her on speaker phone so Gerth could hear her unwittingly give details how the ATM is restocked outside her Bradford National Bank branch in Highland, Illinois, east of St. Louis. Equipped with pellet guns resembling real semi-automatic pistols, authorities say, the Michigan friends drove Fakhouri’s 2008 Ford Mustang through the night to southern Illinois – getting a $120 speeding ticket along the way – and waited outside the bank for it to open, at one point watching the girlfriend pull onto the bank’s lot to start her shift. She called to wish Fakhouri a good morning, unaware he was there. About 8:30 a.m. that day, prosecutors say that Gerth – masked and wielding the pellet gun – robbed the branch manager after she came out to refill the drive-up ATM. With Fakhouri driving the getaway car, the two suspects fled and were returning to Michigan when Fakhouri’s girlfriend texted him, voicing fears about the robbery she’d just seen. Fakhouri later told investigators Gerth dropped him off in Indianapolis, and he took a Greyhound bus back to comfort his girlfriend.

Not gonna lie, this isn’t the worst plan I’ve ever heard. A couple major miscues, sure. But for the most part this guy was headed in the right direction.

First and foremost, the idea of stealing money in order to pay for your engagement ring is absolutely, 100% the way to go. Emptying out your own bank account for that goddam ring is one of the most soul crushing experiences of your life. My advice to anyone who is thinking about getting engaged is to rob a bank to pay for that ring. Steal from people, embezzle, extort, whatever. Just make sure you get someone else to fund that fiasco.

And if you are gonna rob a bank, I ginwuine-ly think robbing your long distance girlfriend’s bank is a great plan. Like no exaggeration, no blogger hyperbole. I think thats a rock solid start to a bank heist. Who the fuck would expect the boyfriend who lives 6 hours away to rob the bank while the girlfriend was working there? Not only are you the last guy suspected, but you also get a little bit of poetic justice by torturing your girlfriend emotionally since shes the reason you need to spend all this money in the first place. 2 birds with one stone – no suspicion and you get revenge on your girlfriend.

This guy just needed a little more work on execution and his alibi. Obviously you can’t get sniped by security cameras and you can’t get a speeding ticket on the road trip. Genius move to drive home and take the bus back to console your traumatized girlfriend but everything in the middle was messy. SO close to pulling off the heist for all men everywhere, but you just fell short. Whatever though. Whats the difference? Either you succeed and you propose and get married or you fail and go to jail. Either way you’re imprisoned.

PS – Met her at Bible Camp = does anal. For real though.