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Toothless Man Tries To Bite His Roommate After She Refused To Clean His Ears

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LAKEWOOD, Wash. — A toothless Lakewood man gave his roommate’s arm a serious gumming after she refused to clean his ear, according to charges filed in Pierce County Superior Court. According to the charging documents, 52-year-old Kenneth Chambers got upset with his female roommate at the Rancho Villa mobile-home park in Lakewood on Sunday over after her refusal to clean his ear and broke the door to her room off its hinges. The victim reportedly sat on Chambers’ lap and tried to talk to him, but he pushed her to the floor and bit her wrist. The victim later told Lakewood Police Department officers Chambers didn’t have his teeth in but still bit down hard enough to hurt her. According to the charging documents, Chambers choked the victim before pouring water all over her, damaging her hearing aid. When the victim said she was calling 911, Chambers threatened to kill her, according to the charging documents. A witness confirmed the victim’s story, and Chambers was arrested. Chambers reportedly told officers the victim hit him, and he was only trying to defend himself. According to the charging documents, he admitted to biting the victim, but said he didn’t hurt her because he doesn’t have any teeth.

You know the Golden Rule here at Barstool New York. After the age of 40, you live with someone you are having sex with. If not, guaranteed violence. Last year I chronicled the top 5 instances of Roommate Inspired Violence. People murdering each other with sledgehammers, chopping up bodies and hiding them in the freezer, killing each other over pork chops. Just all sorts of wacky shit that happens when you get old and you live with a platonic roommate.

Now in most cases its usually two old men living together. In this case we took a step in the right direction because it was a man and a woman living together. But the same rule applies here. Over the age of 50, not having sex with your roommate, recipe for disaster. Especially if you’re asking her to clean your goddam ears. That is simply NOT under the umbrella of things roommates do for one another. You clean your roommate’s dishes for them once in a while. You clean the bathroom for your roommate. You don’t clean your roommate’s fucking ears. Asking for that is above and beyond and simply preposterous.

At the same time though don’t go sit on the dude’s lap and try to butter him up after you just shut down his ear cleaning request. Thats just the fastest way to get your arm gummed. Its just insulting to sit on a mans lap after shooting down his request like that. I dunno man, this whole story is a mess. Toothless, platonic roommates with ear cleaning and lap sitting – its just a fucking powder keg for controversy. The chick is just lucky he didn’t have his teeth in at the time of the incident.

PS – Afraid for what happens once my Roommate stops having sex with me.

PPS – Thats already happened.