Guy Broke A Police Station's Gum Ball Machine Because He Was High, Wanted To Go To Jail And The Cops Needed A Reason To Arrest Him
BURLINGTON, Iowa (AP) — Burlington officers say a man who had insisted they arrest him finally gave them a reason: He broke their lobby gumball machine. Police say officers responding to a call Wednesday night encountered the 37-year-old man at a gas station. He told them he was high and wanted to go to jail, saying he feared for his life. The Hawk Eye says officers told him they couldn’t arrest him if he hadn’t committed a crime, so he tried unsuccessfully to damage a patrol cruiser. They took him to the police station as he requested. The officers say he then broke the gumball machine. He was arrested. After the man’s video hearing Thursday, the judge suggested the man ought to be evaluated. The jail administrator agreed to look into the arrangements.
Drastic times call for drastic measures. The article left out a key detail to the story though. What was the guy high on? That part really will end up determining how I feel about what this guy did. If he was just high on weed then he’s a huge pussy. Pull yourself together. I don’t care how many bong rips or blunt hits a person takes, you don’t start trying to damage police cruisers and kicking in gum ball machines. Paranoia might set in big time but if that happens you sit at home, close the blinds and ride it out while watching re-runs of The Big Bang Theory. Simple. But if we’re talking about meth or acid or even shrooms then I’m okay with this guy going all Jet Li on a gum balk machine to get put behind bars. You gotta get away from those demons or evil leprechauns or dragons somehow and jail seems like a pretty fucking safe and secure place. It’s guarded by dudes with guns and is basically a fortress. If that’s what’s going on here then I say genius. Do whatever’s necessary in order to feel comfortable. If he’s just trying to escape a marijuana high, grow up. It’s like that friend who smokes for the first time ever and they lose their god damn mind. Be calm for me one time.
PS- I’m also not ruling out the possibility that there’s a woman involved here somewhere. Breaking a police station’s gum ball machine is child’s play if he was trying to get a weekend away from jeans shopping or to stay with the in-laws. Some times guys just want some alone time and jail can be the best option when in a relationship.