Pizza Hut Rolls Out The Pizza Cookie

Screen Shot 2014-07-15 at 9.49.31 AM

USA TodayThis is the “pizza” you’ll eat with a glass of milk, not a beer or soft drink. Pizza Hut on Monday will roll out nationally an almost-pizza-sized chocolate-chip cookie — eight inches in diameter and cut into eight slices. While the pizza giant officially has christened the new product — done in partnership with Hershey — the Ultimate Hershey’s Chocolate Chip Cookie, internally they’ve dubbed it the pizza cookie. They might as well call it the millennial cookie. It’s all about getting more 18 to 34-year-olds to not just share pizza at home, but a hot, gooey cookie to boot. Like the rest of the $39 billion pizza industry, Pizza Hut is trying to boost sales in a very competitive market, particularly among younger consumers “Millennials tell us it’s what they want,” says Carrie Walsh, chief marketing officer at Pizza Hut. “They like to cap off a great pizza with a great dessert.” Customers who buy it with a pizza get it for $4.99 — solo it goes for $5.99. And, of course, they’ll be available along with pizza for warm delivery.

What a move by Pizza Hut! The shrewdest, savviest move the pizza game has seen in a long, long time. Dominos wants to neglect the Pizza Cookie? Want to make commercials about how its such a bad idea?

Ignore the pleas of their customers to just make the fucking pizza cookie a reality?


Well there’s Pizza Hut to swoop in and snatch the idea. Fucking morons over at Dominos. Who cares if the Pizza Cookie didn’t work in the past, you had a whole nation of people begging for you to make that shit once you made your commercial. And now its too late – Pizza Hut has snatched up your corner and all your customers. Pizza Cookie marketshare belongs to them.

Well played, Pizza Hut. I’m still never going to order you because you’re disgusting and you don’t have Cheesy bread, but just know that I respect this move. This is really more about me trying to make Dominos better.

PS – Don’t you DARE say “KFC Papa John’s has had a pizza cookie forever!” Hey guess what Papa Johns is for poor people so get the fuck out of my face.