MLB Fan Flowchart - Who Should You Root For?

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Flowchart fucking you up with some truth right off the bat. Only prerequisite – do you, or do you not, have a soul? Thats pretty much it, folks. Are you a spoiled, soulless, unappreciative, scumbag? Yes? Ok then you’re probably a Yankees fan! Not all scumbags are Yankees fans but all Yankees fans are scumbags. Kind like rectangles and parallelograms.

As for the Mets fans – follow the Orange Brick road through a gauntlet of questions and you arrive at your pathetic destination as a Mets fan. Except I gotta disagree with this one here. Its not that I use the Mets to distract myself form the horrible drudgery that is my life, its that the Mets cause the drudgery that is my horrible life. They are the cause, not the effect. If the Mets were good, my life wouldn’t be horrible. So this flow chart doesn’t really answer the “Why?” I don’t really know the “why” of being a Mets fan. I mean I know the literal reason why – my grandfather and my mother were die hards and it was just passed on to me. I always say, you don’t choose the Mets life, the Mets life chooses you. I’m a loyal dude and I don’t jump ship and I think I have a little bit of a masochist side and so I’m here, year after year, waiting for the season my patience and loyalty is rewarded. My hopes are currently high once again heading into the break, knowing full well the West Coast swing coming out in the second half will be a massacre and most likely end the season. But this is just what I do. Its who I am. I’m committed to the horrible life of Mets drudgery.