What Makes A Good Diss Track?
I was having coffee this morning while listening to Barstool Breakfast, and for some reason, I started thinking a lot about diss tracks. The mere existence of its nature is so layered.
One, it takes bravery. If you come out with one and its not well received, it could easily disrupt and erode a rapper's career (from what I understand). Some people never recover. Two, in order for a diss record to be effective, one must take the time to craft the perfect lyrics. It is essential to have passion in the track: If it’s not personal, it’s not going to connect with the person or thing that you’re dissing, and the audience won’t feel how important the track truly is. They may even question the validity of the project as a whole. Lastly, and I think most importantly, you must have a good hype-man. Positive vibes only in the lab while you're trying to snatch another person's soul, amirite? Oh yeah, and under no circumstance should you ever have a ghostwriter to help with your record. That is a GIANT no no.
As the rap scholars say, diss records are a matter of taste. Whether you prefer intellect and quick wit like Nas, self-deprecating humor like Eminem, or brutal, literalism with a tinge of sexual violence like Tupac in "Hit Em Up", there is a track out there for you.
Here are my personal favorite diss records of all time and the spiciest bar(s) in each one.
Hit Em Up:
The undisputed rapper's rapper and consensus number 1 track EVER. The beat is epic but the lyrics are even more savage. There are WAY too many good ones so I have to give it to the way it hits right off tops.
First off, fuck your bitch and the click you claim
Westside when we ride come equipped with game
You claim to be a player but I fucked your wife
Ether:
OH BOY. This just hits different. If you don't immediately feel harder listening to Nas GIVING it to Jay-Z… I don't know what to tell you. The way Nas flows, the way he goes deep at Hove like a disappointed father and psychologist dissecting Jay-Z's mental state, it's a close #2 for me.
Y'all just piss on me, shit on me, spit on my grave (uh)
Talk about me, laugh behind my back but in my face
Y'all some "well wishers, " friendly acting, envy hiding snakes
With your hands out for my money, man, how much can I take?
And now y'all try to take my spot, fellas?
Philly's hot rock fellas, put you in a dry spot, fellas
In a pine box with nine shots from my glock, fellas
Foxy got you hot 'cause you kept your face in her puss
What you think, you getting girls now 'cause of your looks?
Back to Back:
Mannnnn Dreezy?!! This song is in regular rotation with non diss records. That's how good it is. The best part is the low key emotional warfare towards Meek and Nikki's relationship. I bet knowing Drake wanted Nikki made Meek so insecure. The difference in clout, wealth, and popularity between the two was astounding. You almost wonder why Nikki was with Meek when Drake was making love songs for her.
You love her, then you gotta give the world to her
Is that a world tour or your girl's tour?
I know that you gotta be a thug for her
This ain't what she meant when she told you to open up more
Rise Pageviews Rise:
Oh boy Pageviews. I didn't know you had it in you. The delivery was impeccable, the shots were personal and it made me laugh. 9.8 diss track score.
Now let's get back to you, you lazy eyed fuck. You got sued and made your daddy pay it all off. Now that soft
Second Round Ti.K.O:
It's very difficult to roast two people in one track which on its own is commendable, but, WOW this chorus, tell me it doesn't fuck you up. The lyrics against Pres caused a whole storm so I'd be remiss to not make those the highlight.
Big schnaz', hair plugs Qazi-moto hunchback. Take one look at Prez and my stomach gives its lunch back
Honorable Mention: Whoop That Krick
The thing that makes this track so impressive is that no one saw it coming. There were elements of this that took a creative vision and a passion that only love can muster. The album artwork was also fire emoji as well. My only criticism was that there were no references to salty cod, starfishing or waterfalls. If he added that on top of the spinster reference, that would have sent it over the top. I'm not even being ironic one bit. Favorite lyrics… These for sure
Day Dreaming bout me fuckin really got you in a Daze
Got you writing fan fiction you should go out and get laid
No I didn’t want do it
I know you probably going through it
35 and alone
Get your ass on okay Cupid
To be honest, my life has been inexorably altered from "Whoop That Krick". I never thought I'd understand the love that Pres has for Laura Wags, but I do now. Heart emoji for Mr. Wayne. Anyone that makes me a song from the bottom of his heart like this, deserves a song of his own.
Stay tuned.