Dude At A Hippie Gathering Stabbed Multiple Times By Chick Nicknamed Hitler

Daily Mail – A hippie who goes by the pseudonym ‘Hitler’ is on the run after allegedly stabbing a man multiple times at the annual Rainbow Family gathering that is taking place in a Utah national forest. Authorities in Wasatch County today released a photograph of Leilani Novak-Garcia, 32, who they claim screamed ‘I’ll kill you,’ before pouncing on the unidentified man just before 1 a.m. this morning. Uinta National Forest rangers discovered the man who suffered two stab wounds. His age and current condition are not known. According to the Heber City Police Department’s Facebook page, Novak-Garcia left the campsite before sheriff’s deputies could arrive. They believe, however, she may still be in the Heber City area.  She is described as 5 feet 9 inches tall and 170 pounds with hazel eyes and black hair, which she wears in dreadlocks. Police in the area had been bracing for nudity, drugs and general free-spiritedness during the counterculture gathering that began near Salt Lake City last week. The unorthodox crowds even compelled a pair of nearby Mormon church-owned girls’ summer camps to move elsewhere. The first attendees began setting up camp at the annual Rainbow Family gathering, where attendance is expected to total about 10,000, on June 20.

First rule of human life post-1945 is that you don’t hang out with people named Hitler. Even worse, nicknamed Hitler. Like I supposed your parents could be absolutely fucked and name you Hitler and then theres nothing you can do about that. But this chick is nicknamed Hitler so that means she’s earned that shit. Shes done enough shit that people were like “You know what? You just remind me so much of Adolf Hitler.” Which means you deserve everything that happens to you if you choose to associate with her. You go to these wacky festivals and gatherings and you’re already putting yourself at risk. Nothing but hippies and drifters and drug addicts getting naked at those things. But you choose to go up there with Hitler and well, then you’re just asking for multiple stab wounds. Stalin and Osama were busy so you had an extra ticket for Hitler and now thats on you, pal. Nobody to blame but yourself.