First of all I love videos and articles like this, things that say “this is the proper way to be a human being” and we (me) watch them thinking “WHAT?! That is not how I do it AT ALL.” It’s hilarious following business insider and thinking I’m a pretty regularly functioning adult human and they’re just like “oh no, you don’t brush your teeth after lunch? You have gingivitis and you’re going to die by the time this video finishes.”
Anyway, I watched this video to learn how to dry off after a shower. Most people learn that at 32 years old so I’m a little ahead of the curve but I had some spare time today, so I figured why not? I started off cruising: top to bottom drying? Of course, I’m not a lunatic. You don’t start with your feet, which you didn’t even clean in the shower, then work your way up to the asshole and land on the mouth. That’s chaos. In fact, I’ll be real I don’t even necessarily dry my bottom half. I go hair, face, chest, arms, then I more or less lose interest. Sometimes I’ll air dry my undercarriage while I brush my teeth but when I get dressed in the morning I’m still pretty saturated in the genital region. What am I supposed to do the floss move like I’m a cartoon character? Nah, crevices stay damp because I’m not willing to put in the effort. I don’t dry every nook and crannie so I wear damp boxers a lot. Sue me.
But the real craziness came halfway through when Dr. Lebenger said that we should wash our towels every other day. Every other day? Every other day?! This man said EVERY OTHER DAY?!? Preposterous doesn’t begin to describe how preposterous that is. I’m the proud owner of two towels and they might catch a trip to the wash and fold monthly, if they’re lucky. Fuck, I’ve still got soap on me when I’m drying off so I’m cleaning that towel while it’s drying. Does that count as washing them? It’s a rag to dry an immaculately clean body, why on earth would that need to be washed that often?
If we go back to pre-machine days then I’m washing my towel every time I use it. It gets soapy and wet then it gets hung up to dry. If that counts as a wash then I wash my towel every time I use it, if not then towels do not need to be washed. I hate to go all manly man on everyone but girls can have their hand towels and face towels and hair towels and body towels and floor towels, I will step out onto a tiled floor with my towel (which is a beach towel ripped in half) then get that water off my body with my bacteria filled rag, hang it up, and repeat.