BREAKING: Luis Rojas Is Reportedly About To Become The Next Manager Of The New York Mets

You hear that sound? It's the rest of the NL East trembling in their boots that the Mets decided to hire a manager before the season instead of just letting the boys pick their own lineups and choose where they play in the field, which admittedly probably would have been better than the bullshit Mickey Callaway pulled out of his ass last season. It's also the sound of a new Twitter #franchise for me.

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I'll admit I don't know much about Luis Rojas outside of a few snippets I read about him working his way up the Mets farm system as a manager before becoming a well-respected quality control coach for last season. But the first time I heard the Mets may be interested in making him skipper was before they hired Carlos Beltran and KFC mistakenly called him Mel Rojas, which sent the fear of God into me and every other Mets fan that lived through the short-yet-way-too-long Mel Rojas Era as closer. So I would like to put it on the record that I am a fan of the Mets hiring Luis Rojas over Mel Rojas. I don't know if the Mets hired an internal candidate because Spring Training is less than 3 weeks away or because Brodie & Co. are scared about fucking up the next managerial hiring because they know the new owner won’t tolerate the Mickey Mouse bullshit that has existed in this franchise for years.

Regardless, that report brought a smile to my face before this entry from Rojas' Wikipedia brought a look of confusion to my face.

Rojas is the son of Felipe Alou and the brother of Moises Alou.

If Luis Rojas is the son of Felipe Alou and the brother of Moises Alou, how is he not named Luis Alou? Because I would be much more at ease with an Alou managing my team than basically any other last name in baseball. Did Rojas reject the Alou last name? Was he deemed unworthy? Is "Rojas" the last name they give bastards in the D.R. like "Snow" is in northern Westeros? Nonetheless, I hope Rojas pisses on his hands before he fills out the lineup card every day. 

Anyway, the most important part of today is that the Mets can turn the page on the Carlos Beltran Era and avoid the whole "Are They Cheating?" spotlight that MLB will be shining on the Astros and Red Sox for the foreseeable future before Straight Cash Stevie takes over and Black Edges the fuck out of baseball.