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Reason Number 5,392,602 Why Having Kids Looks Like A Nightmare

NIGHT. MARE. That kid thinks it’s a fucking game man. He thinks avoiding his dad and not letting him catch him is a fucking game. Meanwhile, that dad has other things to do that day. That kid has no idea because kids are idiots and they’re blissfully unaware just how crippling it is to be an adult on planet Earth. That kid’s pea-sized, undeveloped brain thinks life is all about running around on the roof of a Cadillac Escalade without a care in the world. Develop some awareness and get in the damn car you idiot. Dad has places to be, people to see and bills to pay.

Lemme tell you what happens if I, a person without children, goes to that Sweeto Burrito. I drive there, I go inside, I order my burrito, I crack a couple jokes with the employees because I’m happy with my life, I leave, I get in my car and I drive away. That’s it that’s all. That’s what’s so great about not having kids. We talked about it on Fore Play last week but the best thing about not having kids is I get to do whatever I want all the time at my own pace. I can lay on the floor of my apartment and eat ice cream for hours without a care in the world and nobody cares what I’m doing or where I am. Take that away from me and I’d rather be dead.