FYI - I Called Dibs On Ana De Armas

I don't want to make this too complicated but I recently saw Knives Out and Bladerunner 2049 in a week span and I can't stop thinking about Ana De Armas. It's thus only appropriate that I go on the record and let everyone know: Dibs. Calling dibs on celebrities goes back to the Medieval Times when squires would fantasize about becoming Lords and bagging Ladies.

When I become the green knight I'm gonna get all up in Lady Olgetha's ass

Personally I've been calling dibs for as long as I can remember. Even as a kid I'd walk down the street and People would say: 

There goes Carl, guy loves calling dibs  

It's true. My first great conquest came in the '96 Olympics when 9 year old Carl landed Dominque Moceanu.

That was a great summer minus the time my brother Kevin found a bunch of newspaper pictures of Domique that I clipped out of the papers over the course of the Olympics. I kept a shoebox under my bed for her because this was a time before the internet but also because I loved her that much

Hi I'm Carl

Then my loving, caring, protective older brother found it one day and my world came crashing down. 

YOU FUCKING PUSSY. THROW THAT SHIT OUT.

Naturally I bounced back with a Neve Campbell dibs that people are still talking about in Oak Lawn as I type this. Sidney Prescott eat your fucking heart out. 

I carried that 1996 Halloween momentum with me FOR YEARS. I mean I legitimately, actively believed she and I would meet and fall in love like I was Anakin Skywalker laying the groundwork on Padme in Episode 1. For sure not Carl you doughy dumb fuck.

But that's the beauty of calling dibs on celebs. Doesn't matter if you're a prepubescent loser like me in the 90s or an increasingly creepy 30-something blogger now. Anyone can get in on celebrity dibs. Only rules are you can't carry a deep roster - like maybe 3 solid ones at at a time otherwise you start to lose me. And then rule #2 is treat it like a winter parking spot in Chicago - first come first serve and don't be an asshole. We would hate for you to scare the babes away.